'Sing with a hula melody.... '
Albany Court, Bexhill - 02:17 pm
(Actual transcript of text message sent to Neil Smith)
"1= Dog House
2=Sh@t House
3=Court House
4 =Doss House
I'm fast heading for stage 4! "
He sent me some words of encouragement, but I had to face up to the situation.
I had felt the vibrate on my phone tickling my a@se all the way down Wartling Hill and then along Sluice Lane. I knew it was unlikely that Vicki was phoning to see how I wanted my steak done this evening, but I clung onto that forlorn hope....
Albany Court Bexhill - Friday 05 :18 pm
'So what you're saying then is that not only are you still cycling tomorrow, but you're even doing an extra long ride? You do know flat 1 has to be finished by Monday when the Estate Agent comes? '.
I was on the last of the flats which we're renovating before turning over to private lets, and I am going to France next Sunday.
' Relax, I'll be back by 12 30 and I'll still get all the work completed '
I accompanied this with a ' tut' and an upwards flick of my head......
I decided to take stock of the situation :
I was knackered after a very hilly ride, and due to my stubbornness I hadn't eaten anything since I had an energy bar at 10:30, I still had to finish grouting the bathroom, and to make matters worse, the bit left to do was the bit behind the 'karzy' where it requires that I put my head almost down the pan (I wish I hadn't been so quick to get rid of the old seat), I also had to paint the bedroom walls, gloss all the woodwork, mastic everything and do a full tidy up. In addition, I really wanted to watch the England match tonight (that's going to go down like a lead balloon I surmised).
First things first. I knocked on David's door (the nice young man in flat 5)
'Got any food? '
' I've got a tin of beans with sausages in? (or as Neil would describe it - heritage pork with freshly picked and lightly roasted, organic haricot beans in a rich Provencal sauce) '
'Perfect, I'm 'Hank Marvin ', I replied.
In addition to my other woes I had the 'mother' of all 'ear worms' - Agadoo! - seriously, Neil had heard me murmuring it in the cafe and had expressed his displeasure. I set about my tasks with a ' heavy' heart.
'.......... Jump up and down and to the knees
......ARGHHH! '
Normans Bay crossing - 07:46
' Yeah, well, f*** off then '
I heard Mal C' s dulcet tones advising Steve D what he should do if he chose not to join us - which he did decide to do in the end.
Neil cleared his throat...
'Before we leave, I'd like to quickly go through a risk assessment, so bare with me, chaps. Now I've been made aware that there is excessive sun spot activity at the moment which could play havoc with our Garmins and also at this time of the year there is a lot of randy butterfly activity, which could in turn leave to some extra wind turbulence, you know, what with all that mad flapping etc,? All I'm saying is let's just be aware and stay safe. Right let's get going! '
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| Close to home. |
The first part of the ride, over the marshes to somewhere, is very flat which allows for some social chit chat.
' Nigel's calves are very intimidating, don't you think? ', I said to Zac
' Yes, they are rather excessive ' he agreed.
Shortly afterwards Nigel himself pulled along side and we played a game of guessing who's an ' innie ' and who's an 'outie' (this is with reference to the EU referendum, not belly buttons - I hasten to add) among the other cyclists.
Nigel complimented me on my helmet and said he thought it looked great. I told him that I had been getting a lot of 'stick' from Mr Baker, who thinks it's over-large, but I can now put this down to envy. Nigel said that he has two helmets with holes in, and although he doesn't find them very areo he did find them useful for straining cabbage.
After a while we encountered the first of the climbs, just near somewhere, and then it was relentless climbing all the way to the cafe.
Tom had a bit of a bitch and a whine over the amount of warning shouts. He feels that calls aren't neccasary when we are spread out - moot point and one worth discussing further.
There's no point going into the details of the ride to and from the cafe as Neil has already covered most of it in his excellent blog,but I would like to give my side of the story at the cafe :
'I'm sorry I thought for a minute there you said £8:40 ', I said to the gangster who was serving me.
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| leaving the Velo house. |
'OK, I'll just have a coffee then.
Neil did warn me, but £6.00 for an egg and bacon bap?
If I was really hungry I would have paid it, but fried food normally happens for me at 12 ish on Saturday , 10:30 is a bit too soon after my porridge and prunes.
By the end of the visit I must admit I had warmed to the place, but my initial impressions weren't good : dirty tables, long wait for food, and really bad acoustics. When I mentioned the noise issue Neil suggested they could line the walls with egg boxes!
Prices didn't worry Neil who ordered a 'veggie belly - buster'. I do like to see people enjoy their food, but not hear it. Neil grunted and groaned his way through the trough of food like a rescued castaways enjoying his first real meal for a year. He punctuated each mouthful with snorts and snuffles, and the 'odd 'cor, this is lovely', stopping occasionally to wipe congealed bean juice of his chin with the back of his hand, and lifting his left buttock to let out some gas - thus proving that at some archaic level, at least, that he grasped the concept of mannners - I was sitting to the right of him. Having cleared his trough, he sat legs outstretched, rubbing his stomach.
'I think I need a while to let this lot go down',
He then turned on me :
' And will you stop humming that song, it's driving me made', he said angrily.
Nigel had looked on in envy at Neil and Zac' s plates and instantly realised he had made a mistake in ordering burritos. Tom was happy with his smoke salmon and scrambled eggs.
The ride back was tough and I was tiring fast but it made slightly easier in the knowledge that I was on the homeward leg.
I was glad that we had agreed on regular regrouping as even with the new discovery of 'return to start' on my Garmin I'm never really that confident of being on the right road.
I did enjoy the stretch over the marshes, back to Pevensey and managed to hang onto Nigel's wheel as he bridged across to Zac and Neil
At the garage I stopped to play my voicemail for the first time and agreed to wait for Mal.
I bad him farewell at the Normans Bay crossing, where I made a phone call and then surprised him when I caught up with him again along Cooden Drive on my way to Albany Court.
I worked till 08 :30 when tiredness took over and then had to do another full day on Sunday.
Joking aside, I think we all agreed, Neil had led a hard but enjoyable ride , and one I would be happy to repeat again, in the not too distant future.
Peter Buss
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