Mille Pennines Audax 1002km
Or to sum up our experience: ' they encounter the unpleasant side of the English countryside: tedium, terrifying locals and torrential rain'
Here is a trailer of what it was like!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xT5qhPoRS9g
This ride was the first Steve and I booked up last year, still with thoughts of PBP and faith in our ability to ride the distance, we wanted another big ride. What we failed to properly appreciate was the elevation of over 11000m, up some of the steepest climbs the North has to offer. Not only was this a serious amount of climbing it had a time limit of 75hrs. So more climbing than PBP and 15 hrs less time to finish. What could possibly go wrong?
The ride started at 10am on Friday 1st July from a community centre in Bispham just next to Blackpool. Arriving early there were just a handful of riders having a pre ride breakfast and the organiser was looking pensive. There had been a lot of talk on the ride forum about people abandoning due to the weather forecast. I knew that it was going to be wet at some point and wind from the west, but had put that to the back of my mind. Being so far North there were a lot of new faces on this ride. The hall slowly began to fill and soon there were bikes everywhere with an air of nervous anticipation building.
Time for some last minute kit checks and a bit of faffing and then it was almost time. As with all Audax rides the whole event is understated and without ceremony. Riders massed outside and as the hour struck the adventure began. Day one was 284km through the Lakes and across the Yorkshire Dales to Askrigg. The bunch soon stretched out as the hills approached. The weather seemed promising with some sun and cloud but I knew rain was coming. Jovial banter fell away and riders got into their rhythm. At Ambleside the hills soon came thick and fast. The rain began and the winds picked up. Steve was going for a lightweight approach leaving most of the essentials behind. After all who needs a proper jacket and a baselayer in the hills, and shoe covers and mudguards are for commuters right? His whole kit was squeezed into a bumbag for maximum aero efficiency. I had gone for the extra weight of jacket and mudguards but still got wet.
What I had not counted on was his push for an in ride marginal gain. In reality this meant leaving his bag behind at a pee stop and continuing over a steep pass and then 10km into the eye of the storm! The realisation of where the bag must have been left was crushing but as it had all his kit and the car keys we had to go back. It was at this moment that we had animals stampeding for a small boat as the rain turned the road to a river and the wind whipped into us. That was an extra 40 mins we did not need but we continued and the downpour passed over. We are in this together/bastard/f....it/bo...lks/yes my feet are wet too.
We pushed on through various controls collecting receipts for proof of route and saw other riders dotted along the way. The hand dryer was used to great effect to dry out the bib shorts at one control . When all said and done it's the simple pleasures in life.
Between the heavy showers the roads steamed and the views were stunning. The biggest climbs awaited us at Hardknott Pass and Wrynose. At 30% Hardknott was a monster. Like a Gruffalo on acid waiting to kick our arses. From the bottom it was daunting and the added wet surface made it near impossible. Steve nearly lost it at the start falling into a cattle grid as his wheel slipped. We tried and were defeated on a couple of the steepest sections. This is the only hill I have walked and have no shame in being beaten by this one. Some riders did manage it but they had huge gears. Descending at any speed was not possible with tight turns, gravel, and steep drops. It was wild and rugged and the light began to fail adding to the challenge giving it a magical feel. Onwards we pushed and eventually left the Lakes behind and entered the Dales. It was just after 2am when we reached the sleep control at an outdoors centre in Askrigg.
There were bikes littered everywhere and inside riders were eating and sleeping. It was carnage already. We took two bowls of pasta and mugs of tea before looking for a space to sleep. Too late for a bed it was the floor for us. I had put a couple of sleeping mats in my bag drop and these gave a small comfort. It's basic survival mode at this point and no room for niceties. By now riders were looking jaded and had the thousand yard stare. Only just under 800km to go!
Day 2 began in the rain at 6am after only a couple of hours rest. Fuelled on cereal and tea we departed for the longest day. This was a 362km loop over the Pennines up to Kielder, into Scotland and to Lockerbie, across to Gretna, down through Carlisle, and back via Penrith to Askrigg again. This was the day that beat us.
On the outward leg to Kielder the weather turned with gale force winds and heavy rain. I was almost blown over as I walked one steep hill. Sheep were hiding it was that bad. This sucked the energy from our already tired legs and put us behind time. Somewhere in a town I got separated from Steve as he followed diversion signs and I used a pedestrian path over a closed bridge. This separation was to continue for several hours. I did not have a phone signal and could not be sure if he was ahead or behind. I had no choice but to ride on. I like the periods of lone riding to feel it's just you against the bike and the elements. The downside is that you probably go slower.
I was against the clock for the next checkpoint and miscalculated at Kielder thinking I had missed a turn. I checked the GPS and it showed me on course but tiredness was playing tricks on me. I then thought I found the control but the shop was shut so I went bin diving for a receipt. Feeling pleased with myself I rolled on only to find the real control in a couple of miles. By now it too was shut and there were no receipts in their bin! I took a photo of the shop with a date and time stamp as a backup.
Still no signal and no sign of Steve. The midges were out and hungry so I left quickly and was soon crossing the border. If nothing else I has made it to Scotland. This lifted me and my legs found energy to push on. By now I was thinking that I was not going to be able to complete the third day/the whole ride in the time. This soon had me thinking should I ride all night or find somewhere to sleep. In the next village (Newcastleton) it was festival time with a marching band blocking the road. This and the burger van were real and not a mirage thank goodness. I drew strange looks from the locals as I devoured a burger and chips like a Tasmanian devil. The hotels were full and turned me away so it was onward into the night.
I climbed up onto the moors and started looking at sleeping options. I came so close to stopping in a sheep shelter but carried on. I was cursing my decision not to bring my bivvy bag and was mentally getting ready for a cold night. It was now a case of how to survive the night. Then my phone came to life and I got hold of Steve who was back in the village having no luck at the same hotels. I told him to head for Carlisle and we would hopefully meet en route and try for a hotel.
As I descended into Langholm I decided to try for a hotel again. There was a man in dressed as a pantomime horse outside a pub and I thought I was hallucinating. It was a wedding of course! No room there but at the next one they had another wedding, but a cancellation left a room free. I took it and phoned Steve to get him to divert. Just in time it transpired as he was at the junction to turn for Carlisle. We were properly looked after being given plates of sandwiches from the wedding. That was the best £40 I have ever spent. The call went in to say we had scratched.
Rested we decided to continue on the route and make it back to Askrigg in our own time. The pressure of the controls lifted we really enjoyed some incredible scenery and yes more heavy showers and strong winds. The border area is stunning and the roads almost car free and smooth.
The turn South brought a shift in wind direction only to the side but no let up in the showers. The temperature did improve making it bearable. We had cafe stops and petrol stations to re fuel and kept pedalling. As the evening came the weather lifted and the decision was made to find a pub. At Kirkby Stephen we sunk into soft chairs and supped on ale and Guinness. The locals thought we we mad when the story of our ride was told. Leaving was tough but necessary and onwards we pushed. It was out over the Yorkshire Dales again and into the night. Talk turned to beer again and Steve got excited at a light 'Pub! no phone box' Laughing we came to a junction and found a real life pub still open. Well it would have been rude not to. One customer and the barman and and his mate. This was a local pub for local people. They were very friendly and the beer was good. Lights now on and jackets zipped it was the final push to Askrigg.
This time there were very few bikes outside. We told people of our story and how our day 2 had stretched into day 3. That's alright said a strong rider from day 1 I have missed out days 2,3and 4! Inside there were bed spaces and after food it was a relief to sleep again. Those still on for the time were up early and this woke us up at 5am. Someone asked me if there was Weetabix and I said yes pointing to the last three in my bowl! It was everyman for himself at that point. He settled for cornflakes and grumbled.
So for us the loop across to Whitby and over the North York moors did not happen and whilst there is regret at being 'beaten' by the North as my brother in law from near York kindly put it, this was not the lasting memory. We finished the last day with other riders and enjoyed no rain and moderate winds. Leaving the Dales behind it was a fairly flattish run of 101km to the end. For Steve this was a fast ride baiting other riders to chase him, but for me it was a solo effort chasing down a few but also stopping for a bacon and sausage bap and a mug of tea. We discovered that only 37 out of 90 riders finished the whole ride in time. There were many who scratched and some like us who continued at their own pace.
There is unfinished business here and whilst brutal if the weather turns, this is a ride of epic proportions and one to test even the most seasoned Audax rider. I have total respect for anyone who finished. For us it was an adventure that threw up many challenges both physical and mental and left some wonderful memories. Perhaps the pub crawl Audax is a category that could take off. Time to repair the body and leave the bike alone for a few days.
738km was our final mileage. Not too shabby in the circumstances.
Thanks Steve for a great ride once again.
Jon Stainsby