MVP do le Tour in the French Alps

The Grand Master of the MVP (Duncan F) decided that he need some serious Alpine action along with his faithful domestiques Patrick & Peter. When the organisers of le Tour found out they also decided the same & said they would meet us there

Patrick pops into the pharmacy

The MVP set off to Geneva, bike boxes packed, Patrick in his bright orange distinctive £400 box, Peter in his Canyon boring black £170 box and the Grand Master in his £60 gumtree held together by duct tape. We were met by the nice people from Cycle Hame who run a catered chalet in Les Allues in the Meribel valley google them & check them out). Bikes unpacked reassembled and ready for action the next day. We checked out the fellow guests (competition) and held secret discussions about whether we were going to be the slowest.

Grand master trouphing

Next day dawned and the competition seemed most impressed by our Assos and Castelli kit. After sumptuous breakfast we descended as a group down the valley to Brides-les-Bains and started to climb to Montagny, found ourselves in Bozel a couple of times. Had quick lunch at a patisserie in Champagny-en Vanoise just before it closed for lunch, pressed on to La Tania where they have the ski jump thing. Drank water out of troughs & then drank beer out of a glass in Meribel before hurtling down the hill overtaking pesky cars before arriver back a la chalet for more beer, wine and food. Grand master declared stage winner. Only 44.3 miles and 6000 ft of climbing (and it was very hot) but we were knacked but happy that the blue train of Hastings dominated the first stage.

Stage 2. Next day we tackled the col de petit St. Bernard 56 miles 5000 ft and still hot. This time the jocks in the party claimed a stage victory but the Hastings train were not far behind and still in the hunt, although Patrick was a trifle warm and started to make cruel accusations about me being on something or having foreign blood as I wasn’t hot (at least that what I told him). Popped to Italy for a coffee (as you do). Back a la chalet to top up with foreign blood transfusion.

Cole de la Madeleine

Stage 3. Madders sorts out the people on something from the boys. Cole de la Madeleine 51.6 miles and 5,800 ft of sheer hell. Stage victory for yours truly and team honours to Hastings. Hastings 2 Scotland 1. I celebrated by ordering une assiette de fritte. Patrick told the waitress that he wanted the same but could he have chips with his.

Some chap called Froome was also riding in the area

Stage 4. Met up with the other minor cycle event and undertook a pootle to Switzerland (as you do). Other event didn’t struggle quite so much as us climbing Emosson with some Froome chappy in garish yellow creating a fuss. Beat the jocks again in spite of Patrick being a trifle warm. 46 mils and just over 5000 ft climbing.

Stage 5. We have moved chalets to Les Houches in the Chamonix Valley and set off up to St Gervais to do the Col de Aravis. At the top Patrick decided to eat raw meat to deal with the trifle hot situation. Grand Master and I just had burger and chips. Descended and did a bit of up to Megeve to watch the other race who had decided to go one at a time because I assume they thought riding together was too scary. Saw the Froome chap again who appeared to have a helmet bigger than Pete Buss’s. Endeared ourselves to the locals and the Belgians by telling them how to pronounce the names of the foreigners in the other race. Stage win Hastings. Now unassailable lead – Jocks demoralised although the other guests were enjoying our rendition of the Sound of Music whilst riding. Grand Master took it too far with Nazi outfit at supper.64 miles 6,400 ft climbing.

Patrick eats raw meat 

Stage 6 Grand master in more tasteful Heidi outfit. The other race was again in St Gervais so left us a bit of time to pop to Switzerland for coffee (as you do). Patrick had to stop at pharmacy as raw meat was coming out too fast. Eventually gave up and retuned to chalet whist Grand Master and myself did the Col de Montet and then high tailed to St Gervais to see the other race. Delighted by the caravanne giving us free gifts and ended up fighting some 75 year old French woman for some free washing liquid and Bostick lizard tattoos. 47 miles 3,660 ft.

King of the mountains

Stage 6. Sprint up le Col de Colombiere. Pesky Scot got there first, suspicion of motor or simply taking the day before off. Nearly got him. But didn’t need to as we already had it in the bag. Cycled back to Megeve in torrential rain. Patrick not feeling hot anymore so considerably wetter but more cheerful. 44.3 miles 6,400 ft.

Stage 7. Pootle back up to Col de Montet (25 miles 1,700ft) and bike packing and fond farewells back to Geneva. Man with identical orange bike box standing next to Patrick (who choose said colour because it would stand out). Grand master wet himself laughing. Off home (445 miles 40,000ft – forgot to turn garmin off).

 Great week, great company. Cycle Hame great people check them out.

Peter Baker