Part Deux - French Trip 'Day Quatre'

Ready For The Final Leg!

Bearing in mind the excesses of the night before, we were all in pretty good shape for the final leg back to Cherbourg.  The first part of the route was sort of exhilarating and boring at the same time.  We were 'steaming' along with a slight tail wind at over 20 mph, with minimum effort.

The Colonel had suggested that we stop for coffee aft
er about 25 miles - this was easier said than done as we passed through one 'one horse town' after another - not finding a cafe until nearer 40 miles.  Tongues hanging out we 'crashed' a small 'open all hours' type 'joint' and demanded loads of coffee.

Run Down Environment But The Best Hot Drinks Of The Trip!

The kindly old sole did her best but was clearly struggling to accommodate us.  She didn't have any cakes but didn't object to us buying some over the road at the patisserie and eating them with our coffee. Tom showed his respects for all her hard work by spilling his over the table. Everyone seemed very happy when I arrived with the big box of assorted cakes I had carefully chosen - in fact I had walked into the patisserie and said 'I'll take all of them!'.

Refueled and keen to finish the ride we set off for the final 'chunk'.

The remainder of the ride was quite hilly and we decided we need another stop before the ferry.  We found a field and 'pooled' our resources - Ivan's contribution was a whole Camembert and two french sticks - not sure were he had secreted those!

Somewhere In France There Is A Field That Will Be Forever England!

Being Strava 'victims' we ignored the sign on the fast, straight road saying 'Cherbourg 8 km' and found the most circumlocutory route possible - including negotiating a really steep hill and MOD territory.

Arriving back at the terminal we decided we didn't really have time to check out a nice local restaurant, so made do with the bar.  Never have I felt such bitter disappointment as when the sausage and chips I ordered turned out to be frankfurters!!

Sitting calmly on deck, with a nice cup of tea, I had time to reflect  on the whole trip and decided it had been quite magical. The laughs, the camaraderie, the p*ss taking, the cycling, the sights and even the culture - all added up to a great trip.  I was surprised by the Bayeaux tapestry, in awe of the beauty of Omaha beach and seduced by the peace and tranquility of the Normandy Roads - can't wait to go back.  Additionally, I would like to thank Steve for the transport and organisation, and Mal D for the transport and for teaching me to ride 'hands free' (although It will be a long time before I can 'top' the 33 mph 'hands free' I clocked him doing on a downhill section!)

Peter Buss

Part Deux - French Trip 'Day Trois'

In the morning we made our way into to Bayeux and went to see the tapestry.  I have to say we looked well 'cool' dressed in our Hastings kit and shuffling along the queue - audio guides pressed to our ears.  We all agreed the tapestry was amazing! - so sophisticated and 'arty' - well worth a visit.

Stocking Up On Picnic Items At Lidl!

En route to Coutances we stopped off at a Lidl to stock up on picnic items and set off to find a suitable spot to have lunch.  We discovered a fortress town (name escapes me) and found an area of green by the battlements.  Not being keen on cheese I had picked up a packet of pate which turned out to be a roll of raw pastry!, but we had plenty of ham, cheese and baguettes to go around - all washed down with Ivans Pomme (I declined but others didn't!). Somehow, in quite a surreal way we all drifted off to sleep, awakening about half an hour later all feeling much refreshed.

Time For A Much Needed Nap!

During the afternoon we encountered some quite hilly terrain, which did come as a bit of a shock, as the previous day the land was as 'flat as a witches tit'.

We checked into our second budget Ibis and then set off to discover the delights off Coutances.  I must say Coutances cathedral, lit up by the evening sun was a sight to behold.  We found a great little bar/restaurant. ordered loads of cider and settled down for the night.  Ivan and Mal D has wandered off alone earlier, to get a few, more miles in,  but we texted them to come and join us.

"I've eaten so many chips, that I'm a bit worried that I'll be dreaming about being chased down the road by a giant cheesy chip", said Steve.

The food was, as always, excellent. And feeling full and merry we made our way outside.

Ivan Shows Off The best Of British Culture!

This was when the reenactment of the classic 'Campfire Scene' in  Mel Brookes' Blazing Saddles began. The Colonel 'set the bar high' with a real 'squelcher'!.

"Careful you don't sh*t yourself, Colonel ", I said.

I was unable to take part in all this depravity because due to over indulgence I was in 'fear of farting' mode and couldn't risk a shart.  Although I did overhear a snippet of conversation from a French couple sitting out side.

Male observer: "I guess zat Benidorm must 'ave been fully booked!"

Female observer: "Zay are so cultured"

Ivan - not be outdone - let rip with a lingering mellifluous 'number' that went on for about 10 seconds.

We set off into to the night, pissed and happy.  After several detours we all made it safely back to the hotel.......

Pete Buss

Part Deux - French Trip 'Day Deux'

After breakast (which wasn't too bad for the money) and team photos, we set off towards Bayeux.  Spirits were high as we cycled along wide empty roads with excellent surfaces.

After about 25 miles the Colonel suggested a coffee stop at a small town (name escapes me.)

"I'm off for a 'Jimmy'; now be careful of this decking I don't want anyone losing anything down those cracks.", said a concerned Colonel.

I set about switching the clear lenses in my 'Racing Jacket' shades for my 'sunnies' and was demonstrating the process to Mal D, when within 20 seconds of the warning, both lenses were down the crack in the decking!

"Oh, dear. what 'as 'appened 'ere?, said a the concerned waitress. 'ow can I 'elp you?"

"It's this plonker 'ere, I mean here - he's dropped his lenses down the crack." said Mal D.

The waitress went away and came back with two knives.  She then inserted them down the crack and tried to retrieve the lenses.  It was a valiant, but futile attempt.  At which point Ivan 'stepped up to the plate'.

Ivan Saved Pete's Glasses!

"Here, let me have a go"

With great precision and steady hands, on only his second attempt, he manged to lift both lenses clear to applause from me and the waitress. Bearing in mind the crack was only 10mm wide, the lenses are concave and there was no light in the void it was quite a feat!.

We pressed on.

Just short of the town of Saint-Mere-Eglise, Mal D informed us that this is where the American paratrooper had landed on the church in June 1944, got his canopy caught in the spire and was promptly shot by the Germans. Sure enough we turned into the village square to see a model of the paratrooper hanging from the spire.

Hanging Around In Normandy!

 Some people suggested we should visit the museum, but Steve said it would be better to just look through the window to save money.

We lunched at a small town (name escapes me), after Steve, Mal C and I went into a local supermarket and bought some baguettes, doughnuts (my idea) and drinks.

During a trip like this you do learn a lot more about people.  Tom's natural navigational talents were coming to the fore - along with his almost fluent French!.  Mal C's nurturing side was much on display as he selflessly carried extra provisions to 'keep us going' with nuts, jelly beans and dates.  I was also impressed with Mal D's knowledge of wartime history and Steve's scientific knowledge (not surprising, but impressive anyway.).  The Colonels fair and efficient handling of the 'whip' and safety consciousness were also much in evidence. Ivan impressed me with his calm temperament, his ability to lead from the front and his ability to 'put it away' in terms of food and drink - how does he stay so slim?!!.

Gun Emplacement At Point Du Hoc!

During the afternoon we visited Pointe du Hoc - scene of the American rangers' seizure of the German clifftop guns (with much losses), and then moved onto Omaha Beach for much needed coffee.


On the final leg of the route to Bayeaux we were delighted to discover a dairy farm that made it's own ice cream, and still open at 6pm!.

The Colonel Gets His Just Desserts!

Shortly after this we made our way to the Budget Ibis and settled in.  Ivan had some concern that there wouldn't be enough booze available for later and so he set off with Mal D in search of some refreshments for later.

That evening we dined at the attached Steak House and discovered Normandy cider! - great stuff - slighly cloudy and not too sweet.  After leaving the restaurant we settled into the reception area of the hotel and Ivan went to his room to get his 'goodies' - bottles of cider and Pomme (strong cider, leaning towards Calvados.)
Steve educated us on his theories about the Oort cloud and comets, Mal D educated us on war type issues, Tom did his best to improve our French, but mostly we just talked b*llocks and then eventually went to bed.............

Pete Buss

Part Deux - French Trip 'Day Un

21:10 - Cherbourg restaurant (name escapes me.)

"Yeah, I was really out of it on the Calais trip; found myself wondering around a park and got propositioned by some Frenchie." said Ivan.

"That's true, said Steve, he said he wanted to put his sausage up Ivan's ......."

"Ah!, soup - looks great!", said Tom

Four urns of creamy asparagus soup had arrived at the table.  I surveyed the oeufs placed in front of me with contempt - there was nothing wrong with them, but I instantly knew I had made a bad choice.  The soup looked magnificent and was accompanied with toasted, garlic croutons, a dish of grated cheese and another dish of some kind of sauce.

"Your choice looks, er , mmm, interesting", said the Colonel as he leaned towards Mal C, whilst removing a string of cheese from his chin.

"Tastes better than it looks", he replied.

I must admit Mal's starter of 'pig' and salad looked a bit 'chunderesque'.

"Well, I'm happy with my omelette", said Steve.

"Oh, is that what it is, I couldn't tell as it's totally covered in ketchup?" , I said (and then sneaked a look under the table to reassure myself that he wasn't wearing union jack shorts!)

We all enjoyed the rest of the meal and made our way back to the Formula One Hotel.

As I lay on my padded ironing board waiting for sleep to overcome me I let my mind wander over an eventful day........

'Normans Bay - 09:05'

"So what section is your passport in then?", said Vicki

She had very kindly done my packing in a most efficient and logical way; far beyond what I was capable of.

"My passport is in.......that part!" - I pointed at the middle zipped section of my handlebar bag.

"Excellent, now what about about your money?"

"My money is in.......that part!" - I pointed at the end zipped section.

"Very good. Now you do know there wasn't room for Mr Cuddles don't you?"

"Yes, I suppose I have to accept that, but I might go and say goodbye to him now"

"O.K but don't be long, you know Steve is on his way."

We said our goodbyes and I cycled along to meet Steve and the others at Normans Bay Station.

Just as we made our way up Spooky Hill Steve pointed and said:

"Isn't that Stewart? - I would recognise that backside anywhere".

It was, indeed, Stewart accompanied by Neil.  Being the mature grown-up I am, I couldn't resist hurling some mild abuse out of the window, along the lines of:

"Good morning, chaps, isn't it a fine morning?"

I was quite startled by Neil's response of:

"Yeah, well come back 'ere and 'ave some!!"

I settled back into my seat and savoured the moment.  Five minutes later my phone alerted me that I had a text message - it was from Neil:

"Have a good time - you t*ssers!" - fully deserved I felt!

Arrival At Portsmouth!

We made good time to Portsmouth and had enough time before boarding the ferry to think about some lunch. We found a pub that we thought might do food, but they said they didn't do food on a Sunday; we were about to leave when Steve suggested we had a drink in the pub, anyway, before before finding a restaurant.  It was what I would call a 'dirty pub' - you know the sort? - whiff of stale beer mixing with a wiff of B.O from the regulars propping up the bar; no toilet paper in the bogs and the winning tickets from the lunchtime meat raffle displayed over the bar.  The ale was excellent and so we tarried a while and settled for a peanut lunch.

'Ferry bound for Cherbourg - 16:30'

"I reckon with the wind set fair and tides in our favour we should reach the French coast by sundown"
.
Col C 'J' Parker had maps and charts spread in front of him and was doing a few double checks.

The Colonel Commits The Route To Memory!

"The only thing I'm a bit concerned about Steve, is that it all a lot more mountainous than I was expecting."

"Oh, no, it shouldn't be too bad, I 'plugged' it all into Strava", replied Steve.

At this point I leaned forward to tack a closer look at the Colonels maps.

"Excuse me ,Colonel, allow me."

Better Double Check The Route!

I rotated the map 180 degrees, putting the Pyrenees back at the bottom of the map.

"Er, hmmm, yes, quite, thank you", said the Colonel.

Since 'signing up' for this trip a major concern of mine had been the sleeping arrangements.  I have absolutely no tolerance of snoring and I was feeling very envious of Mal D who had 'bagged' a single room.  I began an interview process which resulted in me suggesting that Mal C and I should be 'roomies' after he assured me he only snored when laying on his back and didn't mind being woken.

After disembarking we made our way, speedily to the F1 Hotel and settled in before heading off to find a restaurant (in the rain)...........

Pete Buss

France 2015

Many thanks to those riders who came on what has become our biennial trip to France.

This years trip was arguably our most successful so far, largely  due to excellent teamwork:
Steve-trip organiser
Tom- chief garmin navigator and translator
Chris- road safety leader
Malc D- off garmin navigator and historian
Pete- chronicler and cafe connoisseur
Malc C- supplier of endless energy snacks on route
Ivan- chief scout for food and alcohol

I have already made rough plans for the 2017 trip which will be from St Malo

Pete Buss will do a full report soon but this video slideshow gives you a flavour of what it was like

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H&StL CC Ninfield TT times- 27 May

HSLCC Invade Normandy!

A party of seven club members has just returned from three days of cycling in France, starting and finishing in Cherbourg.  After a fast crossing of 3 hours from Portsmouth we spent Sunday night in Cherbourg then on Monday went via the Pointe du Hoc gun emplacements and D Day Omaha landing beach for night in Bayeux. The next morning we went to see the tapestry, it is so very well presented and more than worth every euro of the entrance fee, before riding almost due west for the last night in Coutances.  Top marks to Steve Curtis for booking all of the accommodation and planning a superb route on quiet rural lanes, we clocked up 200 miles. I had cycled from Le Havre and St Malo several times before but wish I had tried Cherbourg years ago, I will be going back there.

So several of the regulars missed Wednesday’s TT at Ninfield since we were on our way back from France.  Many thanks to John Vidler and Nigel Tamplin for time keeping a field of 12 riders.  I made it that there were 7 PBs and 2 SBs, the other three riders doing their first of the season, so it must have been a pretty good evening.  Please see the attached table of times.

 We are at Ninfield again next week (3 June) signing on at 18:30 sharpish before we move to the Classic Hastings-Rye-Hastings course for three weeks  (10, 17 and 24 June).

Chris P

Ninfield TT- May 20

It was a lovely evening with some good times in the windy conditions which later calmed down.  Five of us had a chat in the Red Lion Hooe afterwards, the cheesy chips are highly recommended!

C.P

The straw that almost broke - an account of three riders going into uncharted Audax territory

Boarding The Ferry Over The Broads!

Having mentally and physically committed to going for entry to PBP this year I have been steadily increasing the miles with the qualifiers. As previously documented in the 'marginal hinderance' saga this all started with a 200 km and then two weeks ago a 300km. This weekend was the turn of the longest ride so far a 400 km from Manningtree in Essex to the top of Norfolk and back within 27 hours.

Starting out as a novice Audaxer you quickly work out the rules are simple, ride to checkpoints and either get a stamp/sticker in your Brevet card or a receipt to prove you were there. Get to the end and hand the card in. En route you stop where you want, eat where you want and just ride at a comfortable pace. Yes there are a lot of beards and a few odd balls (no more than on a club run!) Every now and then you meet strange eccentrics on recumbents and Eliptigos but on the whole it's a mixed bag of road bikes. There are dynamo hubs, plenty of traditional Carradice bags and the odd pannier. Smaller bar bags and some of the modern bikepacking frame and saddlebags are also in abundance. Riders have pimped their rides to suit individual needs. Comfort over weight is the general rule. Everyone starts together (except us who never quite get it together and are a few minutes late) and then it fragments like any mass event with riders going it alone and others in ever changing smaller groups. All very friendly and at a pace that is easy. It just goes on longer than the average ride!

Nigel,JV and myself drove up on Friday night and stayed in a Travelodge 5miles from the start. My initial plan of camping was dismissed as foolhardy when there were proper beds available. I had to admit we were making it hard enough riding so gave in without a fight. Steve B had other commitments and had already ridden a 400 recently so did not ride with us. We rode to the start and I wondered if the return route would be so easy after 400km. At the train station we joined a growing line of riders queuing for their cards then it was off without ceremony.

We were blessed with a cloudy but warm day and quickly found ourselves on quiet lanes. The route crossed into Suffolk and through pretty villages and over gentle inclines. All around us were fields of yellow and green and above huge skies. It felt good to be rolling along but I was conscious that there was a long way to go and resisted the temptation to go faster. This was about pacing and not racing. Not sure that Nigel subscribed to this approach as he powered ahead. He kept using excuse of it's just to warm up but JV and I were not buying it. I kept waiting for the Sat morning rush of cars but it never happened. I seems that in this part of the country everyone is on a different time clock. The one that is slower than all the rest. The busiest it got was a man walking with his dog and a couple of horse riders. No complaints as this made riding a real pleasure. Reaching the first checkpoint (only one that was manned) we were told to be careful of timings as most people were ahead of the average speed. I had not noticed but on the brevet card there were time windows for the remaining checkpoints. It was important to make sure that receipt times were correct to avoid possible disqualification. Imagine missing out on a PBP entry because you bought your sausage roll a minute too early!

Revived By Fish & Chips And Coke!

I got side tracked admiring other bikes and talking to a rider on my N+1 potential next bike a lovely titanium Kinesis ATR. Looking up I had lost Nigel and JV. They had gone up the road and I had to catch up. 2nd checkpoint was a lunch stop and we found a suitable cafe. It turned out we need not have worried here about timings as their till was a hour out. Fuelled on artisan sausage rolls and posh coffee I had blown a quarter of the food budget!
Pushing on it was time to put the miles in and head for the coast at the top of Norfolk. Destination was a chip shop at Wells next the Sea. I have a feed bag on my stem/handlebars which holds my on the go snacks. This is not aero in any way but this is Audax and not TT so who cares. The need to snack without fuss is for me better than trying to open an energy bar on the go. I can see what I have and have discovered that a bag of jelly beans is a great motivator and distractor when it's hilly.
I joked to JV that I could smell the sea and then we came around the corner and there it was. Well there was the quayside and the tide was out which was good enough for me as this meant a proper hot food stop before the night. The chippy was almost full of riders with bikes piled up outside. Bemused day trippers and locals watched as the circus rolled into town. Fish and chips had never tasted so good and cans of coke were piling up on tables. We undoubtedly spent longer than really necessary there relaxing and chatting but as this was no race it did not matter. Legs and heads were glad to rest and the chatter was of how cold the night would be and what to wear. We also charged the Garmins with battery packs, an essential piece of kit for these longer rides. Leaving with gloves on and lights it was into the evening and onwards to what felt like the home stretch. In reality there was still over 200km to go but it felt like we had turned a corner.

Night riding was not a new experience for any of us but on top of a whole day it was going to be a test. The miles flew by and our eyes became accustomed to the dark. It stayed generally warm until the small hours when the temperature dropped and my hands froze. Just as well I had put in a second pair of gloves which saved the day. These are now essential kit. Nigel could not get his temperature right with clothing so opted for ride faster to stay warm. JV and I had the right mix of clothes and layered up when necessary. My recent addition of Nano flex arm warmers has been revolutionary.
We regrouped with other riders at a service station with about 110km to go. Walking in it there were riders everywhere, sitting, standing , shuffling, mumbling, stuffing their faces with all kinds of nutritious food. Ginsters were flying off the shelves and the coffee machine broke down through over use. The hot air blower at the entrance was attracting people like flies. No one was rushing to leave and we succumbed to a food fest before finding the strength to leave the neon sanctuary for the dark. Leaving the group we found ourselves alone again. Just 40km to the next checkpoint in Saffron Waldon. This was a nice low number to focus on and keep the pedals turning towards home.
Just as we reached the outskirts I started to see signs of the Audax 'hotel' being used. It seems that around 3-4am people started to wilt or maybe they were seasoned and wise riders? Every bus shelter had at least one or two bikes outside with their riders dozing inside. One guy was even under a bivi sheet and I am sure I heard a snore as I passed. The final checkpoint was to get a receipt from an ATM? In the main square riders massed and took their turn. A lot were joking about what the organisers would say about their balances. It seemed we were all collectively broke. It was like scene from Hot Fuzz/Zombie Apocalypse and anyone looking out would think they were dreaming. I swear someone said 'Yarp' from the shadows! After this it was 70km into the dawn and the final push for the end. Tired bodies were warmed by the rising sun as the world woke up. This is a magical time with hares in the fields, owls hunting, dozing horses, dew on the grass, and mist burning off the trees. It is a time most do not see but to be a part of it you know you have earned it. It lifts the soul and almost but not quiet massages the legs!
The hills were still there, rolling but enough to remind you there was work still to do. Around a corner and some freshly laid gravel sent us fishtailing and jolted the senses to fully awake. Then the signs for Manningtree appeared and all of a sudden we were back. There is no big welcome just the satisfaction of finishing and being part of an epic ride. Brevet card handed in, a simple well done from the organiser, big cooked breakfast at the station cafe and then a slow ride back to the Travelodge.
This was almost the final straw as neither JV or I had the route and Nigel had already finished and was in bed. Those final miles were hard and after a few wrong turns and me threatening to lie down and sleep on the verge, we eventually found our beds and crashed out for a few hours before the drive home.
ONLY the last qualifier to go, the big 600km. This has a sleep stop half way which will be essential. It is from North East London (Waltham Cross) to just beyond Yeovil and back. Sounds easy when you put it like that or does it? I will pen an account from this once my body and mind heals. I am taking this one step at a time as the thought of 1200 km in 90 hrs for PBP is too scary. It all might sound crazy (that's part of the appeal to go that extra distance) but there is no doubt that any club rider can do this and all should try at least once. For me this is all about 'going nice places and doing nice things' on your bike.

Take the plunge and start with the Dunwich Dynamo in July. You will be left with memories and a hunger for more.

Jon S

17/5 Spring Special- Mega leg Breaker

Today's ride was the last of the three 'Spring Specials' the Mega Leg Breaker. Every year we do this ride we have a different combination of riders, doing the ride for the first time this year were Gary, Dan H and Peter Baker.

Once again the more modern garmins got confused between the start and the end of the ride so we had to follow my good old 205  bread crumb trail for a couple of miles until we were far enough from the start to stop recording and restart the ride on the colour screen  Garmins. After this they were fine for the rest of the day.

It was a case of Deja vu where as if by magic the man in black , Steve Denny  suddenly appeared on the opposite side of the road.Just like last week , he was on train duty later in the afternoon but would be able to ride most of the route with us.  

Fifteen miles into the route we were met by the signs for York hill. This long tough hill has an average gradient of 8% but kicks up to 16% near the top. Unbelievably Ivan was on a fixie but even Ivan power was defeated by the final gradient and Ivan was forced to briefly dismount!

Even Ivan Power Was Defeated By York's Hill!

Before reaching major hill number two (Chalk Pit Lane) we had to get half way up Toy's hill and then descend  its western flank. The entry to chalk  pits lane is via an unassuming  small turning in the road . From here the ascent is gradual but seems like it will never end. Unlike York's hill it winds its way up with a sharp 'dogs leg' near the top. Although it never reaches the steepness of York's hill most of us agreed this was by far the toughest hill of the day due to its length and not being sure where the finish was.Ivan found this one easier than York's hill as his fixie gear ratio was just about low enough to get him up without dismounting. 

From the top of Chalk Pits Lane there is a scarily steep descent down Titsey Hill, but we had to be careful not to overshoot the  sharp left hand turn for 'White Lane'. Having two working garmins I got into position to take point. Studying the garmins while desperately breaking to scrub off some speed was not easy but I identified the turn in enough time to lead everyone onto it safely despite some loose gravel on the junction that could easily have had us on the ground. 

White Lane has a  fearsome reputation as one of the shortest and steepest time trials in England. 

We didn't find it too bad and made it up without too much difficulty. Perhaps it was the thought that this was the last of the big hills and that we now had seven miles of uninterrupted downhill along the Pilgrims way to look forward to?  

Time For One More Drink At The Plough!

The Pilgrims way did not disappoint, we all had  great fun negotiating the miles of narrow road with their low level hedges. All too quickly we were at the bottom and celebrated with a quick drink at Chipstead before completing the last ten miles of undulating terrain back to the start.Our progress had been faster than previous years (both myself and Steve got Strava PBs on all three hills) so we had time for one more drink at 'The Plough' which was conveniently located just two miles from the finish.

Thanks to all those riders who came on any of the Spring Specials. We managed to complete three out of the four that were planned . Sadly there wasn't sufficient time to fit in the 'North Downs Nemesis', maybe we should start with that one next year as its eluded us for two years now!

9/5 Spring Special- Hell Of Ashdown

It was time again to repeat our first ever 'Spring Special', the 'Hell of Ashdown'. This ride is partly based on the famous 'Hell Of Ashdown' sportive which always takes place in Febuary (why febuary, brrr!). With us doing it in the kinder month of May, I was hoping for some nice warm weather and sunshine. Instead, as we got out of our cars we were met by grey gloomy skies and a chilly wind, but at least it wasn't raining.

Joining a HSLCC ride for the first time was Ross Mason. Ross had contacted us about a month ago telling us he was new to road riding. I assumed that this meant he was new to 'cycling' so I was a bit worried that this hilly route would prove too difficult. I couldn't have been more wrong as Ross was only new to road riding having been a committed mtb rider for years and in such good shape that only Malcolm D could beat him on the hills!

Setting off from our high point near' Kings Standing 'meant that we would enjoy many miles of mainly downhill riding . Both myself and Patrick were suffering the effects of the same cold bug that's been doing the rounds. I had been off work the day before with a high temperature and giddiness while Patrick had been too unwell to do any riding at all during the week.I reckon I was running at about 90%  and my chest felt 'tight' with copious amounts of runny mucus coming out of my nose. With this and the cold weather I resigned myself to today being a bit of an ordeal!

Mile after mile of undulating quiet roads lay before us and the first major hill. Myself and Malc C were a good match at the back of the field. I was a little faster on the climbs while Malc was a little faster on the flat sections For a while we had to put up with some light rain. As we crested a small hill there were three riders in team Sky tops. One of them was sheltering from the rain in a bus shelter. As we got nearer I was thinking how similar this guy looked to steve Denny then as we rode past him the rider tagged on because it was Steve Denny! It turned out Steve was due to drive a train from Tonbridge in the afternoon , so had driven to Tonbridge wells and ridden out to join us for part of the route.


Our first real climbing test came at Ide hill. This has a long steady gradient with only its length making it tough. There was another group of riders on the same hill so our two groups got mixed together making me feel like we were riding a sportive.Both groups pulled into a layby to let the slower riders regroup. Turning round to see where Malc C was I lost my balance couldn't unclip in time and ungracefully fell over from a standing position, rather embarrassing in front of so many other riders.

Before long we reached significant hill number two, Toys hill. As per previous years I really love this hill . Its got a nice smooth surface, is dead straight and has the perfect gradient through its two mile length . Care has to be taken on the descent. last time we descended this hill Steve overshot the bottom and went straight across the road junction on the B2027. Perhaps he wasn't the only one as the council had put up warning signs telling cyclists to slowdown on the descent , this is the first time I have ever seen road signs warning cyclists about a dangerous descent!

Great Pub Stop near Hever!

My arrival at the our planned pub stop just outside of Hever was delayed by a straightforward puncture. The bar staff were very polite and served up some excellent burgers and bacon rolls , also coffee with free top ups .For a few minutes the sun came out and in the shelter of the garden it was pleasently warm

Steve D soon headed off on his own in order to get to Tonbridge in time for the train. We lingered a little longer before setting off from the hospitable pub.

 From Ashwood to Hindleap Warren its continual climbing for three miles. This hill doesn't have a name but we found this to be the toughest climbing of the day. I didn't feel brilliant but at least felt no worse than I had done at the start of the ride, Patrick however was feeling done in and was having to get out of the saddle a lot to keep going. For probably the one and only time, I actually managed to out climb him and arrived ahead of him at the warren.

Tom Enjoys His Mr Whippy!

All that now lay ahead of us was the legendary climb of Kidd's hill. Ross and Patrick had never climbed this before so we gleefully explained to them what was in store. Malc C set off a few minutes before us to get a head start but with the rests of us working as a peloton it want long before we reeled him back in on the lovely descent down to Coleman's hatch .

Ross Relaxes On Kings Standing 

Sweeping past the pub we began the ascent. Mark, Ross, Tom and Malc D climbed ahead of the rest of us and disappeared into the distance. Patrick kept ahead of myself and Malc C but only by riding out of the saddle all the way up. Truth be told, with its steady gradient, this climb isn't too bad and doesn't deserve its fearsome reputation. Even so we were all glad to reach Kings standing at the top and like school children made a beeline for the ever present Mr Whippy van at the top.

Not Really Sunbathing Weather!

Despite not feeling 100% and the disappointing weather it was still a good days ride. Also very good to meet Ross who shares an interest in steady medium distance organised rides so hopefully we have gained another recruit for audaxes and reliability trials.

Wednesday 'Missing Links' - Part Deux

"France is wasted on the French" - Col C 'J' Parker

"Huff, puff."

"Keep going, don't stop now!"

"Huff, puff."

"Try it a bit slower."

"Huff, puff."

"That's it - keep it just like that - that's really good."

"Huff, puff."

"Try to maintain a steady rhythm - we're nearly at the climax"

"Huff, puff."

"Ahh, that's great - slow down now, that's it, we're done"

"Huff, puff; can I stop now?"

Matt and I have reached the summit of Horsewalk.  Bearing in mind that Matt had 'bagged' 7th overall on Monday he wasn't finding it as tough as me and was giving much needed encouragement.  The thing about Matt is that his form is as up and down as a 'Lady of the Night's' undergarments - and tonight his lacey undies are up to his chin.

We turn the corner towards The Lamb just in time to catch the tail end of the conversation between Neil and Tom - who had arrived 'a couple of seconds' earlier (well it is my blog.)

"He doesn't, ever give me the credit I so richly deserve. He mocks me in that second-rate blog of his. I used to be an Ultra you know?"

"Yes, I know Neil, I've been coming every week."

"Oh, yes, I've ridden with the best of them, and I may well ride with them again next season."

"Is that so?.

"Yes, well, I think I've proven something tonight."

"You most certainly have.  You think you've got problems?; I might have to room with him on this French Trip - I'm not sure I can cope with his puerile sense of humour, let alone his 'legendary' flatulence."

"Yes, well, I'd wear ear plugs or try and 'palm' him off with Mal C if I was you - he seems easy going enough"

Matt and I come into view.

"Well done, chaps!", said Neil.

"Yes, well done", said Tom

We pushed on.

Earlier.....

"So explain it to me again, you ride all through the winter, in atrocious conditions and then when the better weather comes you stop doing the Chain Gang altogether?" asked Vicki

I'm getting ready to leave to meet with Matt, Neil and Tom to start the first of this season's 'Missing Links'.

"It's because we do TTs - you know, Time Trials."

Oh, I see, so will you be doing TTs then?"

"Well I might do a few - just to keep my 'hand in."

"Well you want to be careful at your age!.  Now do you need me to help with your packing; I thought I might make a start while you're out.", asked Vicki.

"Well, if you don't mind - you won't forget to pack my Spider-man jammies, now, will you?."

"As If! - and I won't forget Mr Cuddles either, don't worry"

Vicki and I are off to Aquitaine - SW France, next week, to look for a holiday/dual life home (I've listed 'man cave' as an essential; to accommodate loads of bikes, so hope to see a few familiar faces.)

"I really don't know how we'll cope in France, what with their reputation for rubbish wine and mediocre food?", said Vicki

"Well.perhaps I could pop into Aldi tomorrow and pick up a few bits - you know, emergencies?.  I was going to look for some cycling gear anyway - Nigel, from the club, 'tipped me off' that they had one of their cycling days over the Bank Holiday weekend.  There might still be a few items left if he hasn't 'panic bought' them all - greedy 'so and so'."

"That's not a bad idea, have fun tonight, bye."

"Bye."

Later....

Turning right at The Lamb we race through Hermonceaux and then take the regular BBR route on to the marshes.  I make a good start and then drop off the frantic pace.  Alone and battling a sh*tsome headwind I begin to feel sorry for myself and start muttering: "Oh, b*ll*cks to them, I'm not bothered."  Arriving just before the crossroads that lead to Chilley Farm I'm much cheered by the sight of Neil, who after a 'comfort' break, had peed on his shoes.

"The Chinese say it's lucky, you know?", he said.

Two 'Missing Links'

We set off again at a frantic pace and stayed as a group until Spooky Hill, when again I slipped off the pace. We were 'steaming' so I didn't feel too bad.  Regrouping at the end of Capt. Mainwaring Way we stopped for a moment of self-congratulation before Matt headed home and Neil,Tom and I set off down CMW, again - where I went in for an outrageous bout of 'wheel sucking' to cope with the monstrous head wind - well: 'needs does as needs must' and all that.  Neil had set a blistering pace throughout the ride and really does deserve to be riding with The Ultras.

Having got home I did the obligatory uploading and checking of my Strava stats - as one does, and could see I had done quite well, considering the conditions.  Also, there was a moment of excitement when I saw I was 2nd overall on a segment - It turns out to be one of those 'flukey' things that Strava does every now and then (as the segment doesn't really seem to exist) - still never mind.

If anyone wishes to join us we will be meeting at 07:00 Cooden Beach Station on the Wednesdays when we don't do a TT - so best to check with Neil, myself or Matt first.


Peter Buss

Bloggers note:

I am actually a fan of Aldi and buy quite a lot of stuff there (including some cycling gear (mostly for work I hasten to add)), please don't 'let on' to Nigel though.

1/5 Puncture Pete!

Why is it so damn cold I pondered as I road up barley lane towards the Fairlight Lodge? Its the first of May and yet here I am in vest, fleecy top, roubaix tights, full windproof, fleecy under helmet hat. I stopped short of putting on full length gloves but that was a mistake as my fingers were going numb from the cold. It was also so dark and gloomy even though it was only 7:00pm.

Arriving at the Lodge it was clear that the cold had put others riders off, as there were only five of us, well below our more typical average of 7/8 riders.

Heading out along the sea defences towards the nature reserve Peter told me, 'I am not feeling it tonight', I must admit that as we  pushed on into a cold head wind, I felt the same way. At least it would all be over in about an hours time!

Arriving at the harbour itself, Malc, Dan and Nathan said they were going going to divert along to the edge of the harbour to claim a strava hill climb segment. As the road here looks to me to be as flat as a pancake I wasn't sure what they meant but apparently it involves riding up and down some sort of ramp and shooting across the road junction so you have to have riders guarding the junction to watch out for traffic? All very strange but Malcolm told me later he was successful and now holds the KOM for this segment, LOL

While the boys were engaged in their segment bagging, myself and Pete pressed on at our own steady pace up the long Broad-oak drag. It wasn't until we were about half way up that they caught up with us. Nathan and Dan  shot past us like we were standing still but Malc was feeling tired and decided to stay with us instead. With our mini chain of three riders we were having an easy time of the climb but it wasn't long before Pete picked up a puncture.

This wont take a minute (more like 20) !

By his own admission Pete is the worst cyclist at carrying out puncture repairs in the universe! It didn't help that it was one of those annoying quite slow punctures where it is difficult to feel the air coming out of the tube. Eventually we had to give up trying to find out what caused it, stick  a new tube in and hope for the best! After finally inflating the tyre, Pete managed to jam the chain inside the cassette which took some determined yanking from Malcolm to sort out. Finally we were on our way up to broad-oak , and were glad to be climbing to generate some useful body heat. Dan and Nathan were long gone as I had phoned them up about the puncture and suggested they head for home on their own rather than waiting for us getting cold. 

With thoughts of getting home into the warm, we rapidly descended down Brede hill , this gave me my second fastest descent ever

Pete turned off towards three Oaks, leaving just myself and Malc to continue up Stonestile in the pitch dark. It felt like someone had reversed time and we were back to January!

Its fair to say that myself , Malc and Pete found  the ride tough going but it just shows you how different riders can have totally different experiences as with Nathan's help Dan was having a great evening, bagging himself 10 achievements and  commenting on strava "Great ride. Great great ride, loved it!"

Wednesday Chain Gang - Part Deux

Wednesday Chain Gang - Part Deux

 'They tell me they're an acquired taste'

Harry's Bar, Santa Ponca, Majorca.....

"I suppose we should think about having lunch, darling, this Mojita's going straight to my head!", said Vicki

"Yes, I know what you mean, sweetie", replied Trish

"Care for another, olive?"

"Don't mind if I do, thanks darling - so what 's in the bag?", asked Trish while clamping her teeth on it and  purposefully tugging out the stick, before adding it to the ever-growing stack.

"Oh, Peter asked me to collect a few bibs 'n bobs for him from The Bahia Hotel next door, its where he goes to hire bikes when he's here - there's some kind of cycling outfit based there.  I popped in there while you were still sleeping".

Vicki puts the bag on the table and pulls out the contents.

"What on earth is that 'thing', asked a concerned Trish, it's says 'Ass Saver' on it".

"Oh, I'm not sure really, sweetie, but it doesn't look a very comfortable thing to wear! - I wouldn't shove it down my shorts, that's for sure!".

"Hoot.....hoot.....hoot.....hoot...", Trish collapses into hysterical laughter.

"Hooooooot......hoooooooot.......hooooooooot.....", Vicki joins in.

The laughter eventually subsides.

"Fancy another darling Mojito - or shall I order us a bottle of Cava?", said Trish.

"Well, we should be thinking about eating, but, oh,well, we are on holiday!"

Trish picks up the item for a closer look.

"Are you sure this is the man's version; it doesn't quite look the right shape - if you see what I mean - it has little wings on it?."

"Yes, I see exactly what you mean, sweetie, I just assumed they were unisex, but maybe the guy in the shop thought it was for me, I'll have to take it back and exchange it", said Vicki.

A waiter walks past and Vicki grabs his attention:

"Signor, could we have a bottle of pink Cava and dos glasses?, por favor?"

Trish continues her investigation.

"Yes, it definitely looks more 'front bum!'....hoot....hoot.....hoot....hoot", Trish collapses into hysterical laughter again.

"Oooh - you are awful!......", said Vicki and then throws her head back and joins in:
"hoooooot,.........hoooooot..........hoooooot........."

The waiter returns carrying a tray with the bottle and glasses just as the first of the 'Tour of Majorca' cyclists rush past.

"Oh, look Trish!",

"Ole!.....Ole!.....Ole!," both girls shout, as they excitedly get into the spirit of it.

The waiter leans forward with the tray and speaks softly and conspiratorially: "In the mainland Spain, maybe is true, they say Ole!, Ole!, Ole! at the Bullfight; but here, on this Island, we say: Vamos!, Vamos!, Vamos! - Go!, Go!, Go!."

As he leaves Trish says," Who does he think he is!, trumped up little twerp, really, I've a good mind to....."

"Oh, look, darling, that guy over there seems to be really struggling, lets go over and give him some help; bring the champers!"

They both rush across the road, each loosing a flip-flop in the dash to offer their assistance to the cyclist who was now off his bike and leaning against the wall.

"Oh, you poor thing, you're really suffering, is it the heat, sweetie?", said a concerned Trish.

The young man tugs at his gusset and stretches it away from his groin.

"No,no, it's these shorts, they're the budget option from Aldi, in the U.K, and they're really crucifying me!"

"Oh, dear, said Vicki, have some champers that'll get you through!"

"Well I shouldn't really, but just a sip then", he replied

He takes a few sips and get on his way again.

"Such a nice young man; I didn't even ask his name!", said Vicki

"Yes, really quite charming!", replied Trish


21:00 The Forum Bar, Bexhill.....

".....no,no,It's just that they're not really my kind of people - very competitive, you know?"

"So, it's not that you had problems keeping up with them then?"

I persisted in my interrogation of Neil as to why he was now no longer riding with The Ultras and was 'back in the pack'.

"No,no not, at all, certainly not, no ,never - I tried it, made a good 'fist' of it, gave a really good account of myself, and tonight I just felt it was the right time to get back with The Fasts. Also, you have to factor in the wind tonight; I mean it was really blowing!"

"Yes, that's really unusual for the seafront - almost 'freaky'. So, what's your plan for next season, will you ride with them again?."

"Well, I'll just have to wait and see how I feel at the time - I'm certainly not ruling it out at this stage."

I took off my sunglasses and walked over for a chat with Derek.

Earlier......

One of the joys of the riding with the Chain Gang is meeting up with Stewart and Matt and exchanging some banter on the way to the seafront.  I arrived after Matt, who was sitting astride his bike, looking down, and was using the corner of a credit card to see if the feeling had returned to his manhood.

"Firing all all cylinders, I'm pleased to report!"

"That's great news!", I said.

Just then Stewart came into view, and after quickly getting changed, he came over to join us.  He spotted the card in Matt's hand.

"I see you've got a Wiggle Gold loyalty card, that's very impressive, old chap, but I'm afraid that on this occasion I can 'trump' you."

He then produced a card from his jersey pocket.

"Platinum - enough said?"

Matt moved the zip of his Castelli 'Gabba 2' jacket fully up to the neck, and gave a wry smile. Stewart donned his Kask 'Infinity' helmet and we moved on to join the expanding group gathering on the seafront.

There was real 'buzz' in the air tonight.  It has been a great Chain Gang season and Steve C was correct to point out that we have got through a season without a single injury - bearing in mind the intensity of the riding, at times, I feel this was a great achievement; and one for which we should give ourselves a big, collective 'pat on the back'.

Speaking personally, I have had a 'mixed bag'; I started the season quite strongly, dipped seriously in the middle - and at one time considered becoming a spectator - I now seemed to have 'rallied' again towards the end and am feeling quite strong again.  I still squirm when I consider my 'outburst' of a few moths ago, and Neil has been right to have continually mentioned it, week-in, week-out, ever since.  I would have bought you the Cinzano I had promised you, Simon, but unfortunately you never showed up at The Forum -  still, It'll keep to another time.  One of the highlights/lowpoints for me this season has to be 'Sausagegate' and all the 'rumpus' associated with it; although I am very pleased to report that Steve D and I are all 'lovey-dovey' again now following our 'Pre BBR Brighton' trip - our eyes met over the sausages in the student cafeteria at the Brighton University campus and all was well again (It didn't escape my attention that you put in a strong performance on Wednesday's Chain Gang, Steve - well done!.)

I've left Neil to report on the Chain Gang itself, as he does it in such a professional and 'mature' manner.

Au revoir, a la prochaine!

Peter Buss (and all the staff at Part Deux)
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