'They tell me they're an acquired taste'
Harry's Bar, Santa Ponca, Majorca.....
"I suppose we should think about having lunch, darling, this Mojita's going straight to my head!", said Vicki
"Yes, I know what you mean, sweetie", replied Trish"Care for another, olive?"
"Don't mind if I do, thanks darling - so what 's in the bag?", asked Trish while clamping her teeth on it and purposefully tugging out the stick, before adding it to the ever-growing stack.
"Oh, Peter asked me to collect a few bibs 'n bobs for him from The Bahia Hotel next door, its where he goes to hire bikes when he's here - there's some kind of cycling outfit based there. I popped in there while you were still sleeping".
Vicki puts the bag on the table and pulls out the contents.
"What on earth is that 'thing', asked a concerned Trish, it's says 'Ass Saver' on it".
"Oh, I'm not sure really, sweetie, but it doesn't look a very comfortable thing to wear! - I wouldn't shove it down my shorts, that's for sure!".
"Hoot.....hoot.....hoot.....hoot...", Trish collapses into hysterical laughter.
"Hooooooot......hoooooooot.......hooooooooot.....", Vicki joins in.
The laughter eventually subsides.
"Fancy another darling Mojito - or shall I order us a bottle of Cava?", said Trish.
"Well, we should be thinking about eating, but, oh,well, we are on holiday!"
Trish picks up the item for a closer look.
"Are you sure this is the man's version; it doesn't quite look the right shape - if you see what I mean - it has little wings on it?."
"Yes, I see exactly what you mean, sweetie, I just assumed they were unisex, but maybe the guy in the shop thought it was for me, I'll have to take it back and exchange it", said Vicki.A waiter walks past and Vicki grabs his attention:
"Signor, could we have a bottle of pink Cava and dos glasses?, por favor?"
Trish continues her investigation.
"Yes, it definitely looks more 'front bum!'....hoot....hoot.....hoot....hoot", Trish collapses into hysterical laughter again.
"Oooh - you are awful!......", said Vicki and then throws her head back and joins in:
"hoooooot,.........hoooooot..........hoooooot........."
The waiter returns carrying a tray with the bottle and glasses just as the first of the 'Tour of Majorca' cyclists rush past.
"Oh, look Trish!",
"Ole!.....Ole!.....Ole!," both girls shout, as they excitedly get into the spirit of it.
The waiter leans forward with the tray and speaks softly and conspiratorially: "In the mainland Spain, maybe is true, they say Ole!, Ole!, Ole! at the Bullfight; but here, on this Island, we say: Vamos!, Vamos!, Vamos! - Go!, Go!, Go!."
As he leaves Trish says," Who does he think he is!, trumped up little twerp, really, I've a good mind to....."
"Oh, look, darling, that guy over there seems to be really struggling, lets go over and give him some help; bring the champers!"
They both rush across the road, each loosing a flip-flop in the dash to offer their assistance to the cyclist who was now off his bike and leaning against the wall.
"Oh, you poor thing, you're really suffering, is it the heat, sweetie?", said a concerned Trish.
The young man tugs at his gusset and stretches it away from his groin.
"No,no, it's these shorts, they're the budget option from Aldi, in the U.K, and they're really crucifying me!""Oh, dear, said Vicki, have some champers that'll get you through!"
"Well I shouldn't really, but just a sip then", he replied
He takes a few sips and get on his way again.
"Such a nice young man; I didn't even ask his name!", said Vicki
"Yes, really quite charming!", replied Trish
21:00 The Forum Bar, Bexhill.....
".....no,no,It's just that they're not really my kind of people - very competitive, you know?"
"So, it's not that you had problems keeping up with them then?"
I persisted in my interrogation of Neil as to why he was now no longer riding with The Ultras and was 'back in the pack'.
"No,no not, at all, certainly not, no ,never - I tried it, made a good 'fist' of it, gave a really good account of myself, and tonight I just felt it was the right time to get back with The Fasts. Also, you have to factor in the wind tonight; I mean it was really blowing!"
"Yes, that's really unusual for the seafront - almost 'freaky'. So, what's your plan for next season, will you ride with them again?."
"Well, I'll just have to wait and see how I feel at the time - I'm certainly not ruling it out at this stage."
I took off my sunglasses and walked over for a chat with Derek.
Earlier......
One of the joys of the riding with the Chain Gang is meeting up with Stewart and Matt and exchanging some banter on the way to the seafront. I arrived after Matt, who was sitting astride his bike, looking down, and was using the corner of a credit card to see if the feeling had returned to his manhood.
"Firing all all cylinders, I'm pleased to report!"
"That's great news!", I said.
Just then Stewart came into view, and after quickly getting changed, he came over to join us. He spotted the card in Matt's hand.
"I see you've got a Wiggle Gold loyalty card, that's very impressive, old chap, but I'm afraid that on this occasion I can 'trump' you."
He then produced a card from his jersey pocket.
"Platinum - enough said?"
Matt moved the zip of his Castelli 'Gabba 2' jacket fully up to the neck, and gave a wry smile. Stewart donned his Kask 'Infinity' helmet and we moved on to join the expanding group gathering on the seafront.
There was real 'buzz' in the air tonight. It has been a great Chain Gang season and Steve C was correct to point out that we have got through a season without a single injury - bearing in mind the intensity of the riding, at times, I feel this was a great achievement; and one for which we should give ourselves a big, collective 'pat on the back'.
Speaking personally, I have had a 'mixed bag'; I started the season quite strongly, dipped seriously in the middle - and at one time considered becoming a spectator - I now seemed to have 'rallied' again towards the end and am feeling quite strong again. I still squirm when I consider my 'outburst' of a few moths ago, and Neil has been right to have continually mentioned it, week-in, week-out, ever since. I would have bought you the Cinzano I had promised you, Simon, but unfortunately you never showed up at The Forum - still, It'll keep to another time. One of the highlights/lowpoints for me this season has to be 'Sausagegate' and all the 'rumpus' associated with it; although I am very pleased to report that Steve D and I are all 'lovey-dovey' again now following our 'Pre BBR Brighton' trip - our eyes met over the sausages in the student cafeteria at the Brighton University campus and all was well again (It didn't escape my attention that you put in a strong performance on Wednesday's Chain Gang, Steve - well done!.)
I've left Neil to report on the Chain Gang itself, as he does it in such a professional and 'mature' manner.
Au revoir, a la prochaine!
Peter Buss (and all the staff at Part Deux)
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