Wednesday Chain Gang - East Wind Blitz

‘Just how old are you?’ asked daughter no2, doubled up with laughter. ‘I mean, who says that - “hmm, a strong and cold easterly wind, you’ll need a coat” - except old men! I mean, who even knows something like that? Ha, ha, ha!’

Well, actually, cyclists and fishermen know things like that, but the explanation was wasted on her. My status as an old fuddy-duddy is confirmed forever. A ride to do some errands confirmed my reading of the weather forecast - a stiff east wind that would great for the outward leg of the chain gang, but nasty for the return. It’s the opposite to what most of us want and I think we all knew what was coming - a blisteringly fast outward leg and then a nasty grind back into a cold east wind (why is the east wind never warm?).

We enjoyed another great turn out, with more than 30 riders showing up. Seven ultras set off in good light but without warning. I pelted after them, followed by a mini-stampede of other riders. Trevor thought he was chasing me as part of the 'supers' group and got a bit of a shock as the pace ramped up on Herbrand Walk, when he realised who he was riding with.

Before that, the ultras were caught on Cooden Drive by a group of ‘supers’ to make a larger group of 16 or so. This made for too many riders in one bunch to make for an efficient ‘through and off’ ride. There were grumbles about gaps and then, before we reach Spooky Hill, Barney took action, wanting to avoid a crush of riders as the road narrows and the hill sends slower riders backwards through the group. I heard a faint click as he switched on his super-charger. There as a slight delay (turbo lag), then a small puff of smoke from his ‘exhaust’. His legs span up to 180rpm, followed by the sound of rubber losing grip, then biting tarmac again. And then he was gone, with Stuart H, Michael, Trevor and a couple of others hanging on his wheel.

That blew the group up nicely, with the genuinely quick riders leaving the us mere mortals to ride on in fragmented twos and threes. I settled into a trio with Gareth and Duncan, chasing down Neil Shier and Ruth. We gradually wound them in. Duncan shouted for me to ease up as I was dropping him and Gareth. I head back for a bit, but I was determined to get across to the other two.

I found myself on the front again and I shouted to Duncan that I wanted to bridge across. He came by me and I shouted at him to go for it. There were some complaints, so I shouted again and chased hard after him, shouting more encouragement to whip him forward, whilst I sheltered behind him, with Gareth hanging on too. Well, Duncan’s got a nice new carbon bike, so it would take him less effort than it would take me, surely? He took us across to Neil and Ruth, without collapsing, and I suddenly felt a bit guilty. But not for long. Good work Duncan!

Not surprisingly, the mad thrash to Pevensey roundabout delivered some record Strava times for the club. I rode my fastest ever outward leg; Duncan bagged some top-tens; and I also nabbed a KoM, (before we started, shooting down Galley Hill with the wind behind me). Dr Ed Gomm, a sometime BBR-rider and anaesthetist, capable of sending patients into a deep sleep with expert ease, ridiculed my Strava efforts saying that the Galley Hill segment was ‘not a mountain’.

Oh dear, Ed, you have so missed the point. We are all elite athletes on Strava, finally getting the recognition that the laws of chance and cruel fate have denied us, and where others stand only by pure fluke (Mo Farah, Andre Greipel, Froome, Cancellara etc). A KoM is the pinnacle of that recognition, a rare taste of olympic glory, a gold medal, a trophy, our chance to lift the FA cup, a chance to - well, you get the idea. Wiggins doesn't have a KoM locally and neither does Cavendish. They might have a chance of bagging one, with the wind in their favour, but they haven’t. Therefore, anyone with a local KoM is clearly a better, faster rider than either of them. Strava proves it.

Right, now we’ve sorted that out, let’s move on. So we’d had the fun bit, now for the return ride into that vicious east wind. Barney again pressed the turbo button, taking a small group with him. A large following group formed and made good progress in hot pursuit of the ultras, neatly up Spooky Hill and fast down the other side.

It was all going so well. I was on the back of the group as it hoofed it down the east slope. Someone near the front braked and that rippled back though the group. I was the last to break and the last to restart pedalling, but it was too late. The wind got between me and the group and I couldn’t get back on. So, I rode back alone into an increasingly cold wind, feeling rather grumpy. Well, it wasn't so bad a night, bearing in mind the fantastic blast across Bexhill front and the marshes.

After riding with Peter and Tom to PRNB and the roundabout again, I returned home and uploaded my ride, seeing the KoM. ‘Wow, I got a KoM tonight!’ I said, with genuine excitement. No reaction from wife and children. ‘I said I got a KoM tonight!!’, this time raising my voice. A chorus of groans was the response, and a patronising ‘oh, well done darling, how nice’. Daughter no2 asked whether ‘the arsehole from Eastbourne’ would take the KoM back again. I said probably yes, or that the segment would be altered, or reported as dangerous, or otherwise messed up. Truth is that he, Nigel T and I all share the fastest time down Galley Hill, at least for now. I look forward to someone else taking the KoM fair and square in due course - there are lots of faster riders out there capable of doing so.

Next week sees the last chain gang until September, so bring some pocket money for a drink at ‘The Forum’ bar on Devonshire Square. It’s soon TT season again - time to test your true metal against the clock.

Safe riding, Neil