The start of the PBP adventure- Wye Wednesday 200 km Audax and the story of my marginal hinderance.

Route- Gravesend down to Hythe and back

This was the first of the qualifiers for entry to the 1200km PBP (Paris-Brest-Paris) chosen by Nigel Tamplin, Steve Butcher, John Vidler and myself Jon Stainsby. JV has a diary clash with a trivial matter of his sons wedding so cannot do PBP for fear of having to live in his van. This he is gutted about but he is doing the qualifier rides because he can! Now apart from Nigel who has been in secret training in his basement on the rollers putting in those marginal gains and several 100 solo milers, the rest of us have been relying on the club runs for training. Rumour has it that Nigel is off to a spring training camp in Majorca to get the tan lines crisp and even.
Several weeks ago we held a summit meeting much like the Economic Forum in Davos but in the salubrious venue of The Golden Arches by Sainsburys to plan the route to PBP. The distances were set but we picked events with the lowest altitude fearing our legs would not thank us to go big.

So the 200 was midweek on half term and started from the Cyclopark at Gravesend at 0730. This meant dropping bikes to JV the night before so he could sneak out without waking the family. He has transformed his work van into something resembling a mini death star with bike racks and cut outs in the bulkhead. I reckon we could get a coffee machine in there and possibly a fridge at a squeeze to finish the job off. It's probably the closest anyone from HSLCC will get to riding in a team bus.

With bikes loaded all that remained was a few hours of restless sleep before waking to a rushed breakfast and pockets bulging with food. The team bus appeared out of the gloom as my fingers were beginning to freeze, and we set off to start our quest.
In the car park solitary figures were lifting precious bikes from vehicles and last minute tinkering and fiddling with Carradice bags was going on. JV decided to mess around with his tyre pressures and had to go on the scrounge for a track pump, whilst Steve adjusted his rucksack as if preparing for an assault on the Eiger. We wondered what he could be carrying and found out later it was about 20 sandwiches. 'You have got to keep eating' was the phrase of the day.

Nigel had then disclosed his part of the 'marginal gain plan' Rice cakes from a secret recipe book. After several failed attempts this was the one batch to rule them all. He generously shared them out and we squirrelled them away like contraband. They weighed a tonne but 'it's what the pros eat' so who were we to question an extra half kilo? Steve was trying to convince me that you should not eat breakfast beforehand but eat it on the bike as it is better for the metabolism or some other oblox. We faffed and then booked in to collect our Brevet cards. The lineup of beards was impressive and this is clearly where the Father Christmas actors spend their post festive season. So then a queue for the toilet and a bit more faffing before realising we were the last to leave and the clock was ticking.

Very quickly we were rolling along quiet lanes and warming up numb hands and feet. That was the last were to see of Nigel as he found two other fast riders and wanted to push himself for his Majorca sportive. Happy to settle into a relaxed pace, JV and myself remained with Steve. Not just because he was the only one with the GPS route but because he is a really nice guy. We started to catch riders up and in the warming morning sun this felt good. The route continued to deliver stunning views and quiet lanes. Just a few main road bits to link up the lanes but nothing too taxing. Checkpoints came and went and brevet stamps and answers to questions were recorded to prove you were on the route.

Two cafe stops, and omelette and chips later we were on the return leg. We even put in a three up chain gang across the marsh to spice things up knowing we would not make the club ride later. Tempted to stop at Port Lympne safari park for the elephants and an ice cream we resisted and pushed on. Now there were normal bikes and a few recumbents but the prize for top nutter goes to the Rider on the Elliptigo (imagine a cross trainer on wheels) This was the cause of much discussion between us and a consensus that he needed a straight jacket. We just did not get it. 'There is no seat'
There is eccentric and then there is just wrong. Rant over.
Now Steve wanted to ride to a consistent heart rate and this saw him slow on the hills to then come flying past to get back up to speed. Later on he could not help himself chasing riders to then get overtaken as we stopped. It was a bit Hare and Tortoise at times and the key was to pace yourselves. This was like an extended club run pace and not a race.

The sun dropped and dusk gave way to darkness as we peddled the last 30km. Rush hour traffic made parts of the route busy in places and you had to have you wits about you on junctions. All ran smoothly as we found quiet lanes again. It was then that the adrenaline got the better of Steve who could smell the finish. The 'stay together and follow Steves GPS' plan, went out of the window at a mini roundabout near Gravesend. Fuelled by all those sandwiches he left us to the elements with only a printed route sheet and no idea where we were on it, and took the Top Gear approach to his colleagues.
JV shouted 'right' as I approached the roundabout and the sight of a rider in the distance reinforced my belief this was correct. So after JV shouting 'don't lose him' and a burst of speed we saw who we thought was Steve turn left in a housing estate and realised it was a commuter on his way home. We were now proper lost and had to resort to Google maps for rescue. First right, second left and up the hill and we were in sight of the end. As we rolled in there he was the one who left us, just ten meters ahead. JV and I sprinted to pip him at the post in a defiant and somewhat childish finale to a great day on the bike.

Nigel by now had used all the hot water, eaten the best food, and spent a small fortune on coffee in his three hour wait for us. All back within the time limit and the first ride in the bag. So just got to do that six more times in 90 hrs and thats PBP sorted!

PS. At the end I discovered the rice cake in my pocket uneaten. Just think how much faster I would have been without that half kilo pulling me back on the hills? We will never know. It became a marginal hinderance in the end.

Jon Stainsby