08:18 pm - The Lamb, Wartling
"Can I get you anything else, Madam?"
"No, just the bill, thank you", replied Rachael
They both looked across at Matt who was face down in his 'Sticky Toffee Pudding', his hands still gripping the back edge of the table which resembled a yellow war zone as the impact of him dropping into his desert had sent custard all over the table; and even the cruet set was flecked in yellow.
"Is he dead?"
"I hope not, he just over did it on the cycle ride today; the sad thing is he promised me a 'romantic' evening, fat chance of that now!. It looks like I'll be watching T.V now when we get home."
"Well if you leave now at least you'll catch the end of 'Strictly", said the waitress in an effort to find a 'silver lining'.
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| Assembly At Norman's Bay Border Crossing! |
"Oh, that's true - my money's on Peter Andre"
07:57 - Normans Bay Border Crossing
"Let's make one thing clear - I'm not going anywhere with that ****hole!"
I wagged my finger in the direction of Mr Smith who was astride his bike and biting his bottom lip in anticipation of my reaction to him 'passing off' a very intimate and smutty picture, of him and Mary performing in their dungeon, as me and my new wife, in his latest blog.
As well as Neil, the assembled group consisted of Matt, Patrick, Peter B, Adam and
his friend George who is an 'iron man', and just before we set off, we were joined by Duncan.
I decided magnanimity is a more admirable quality than sulking so I over-looked Neil's outrageous behaviour and the brisk outward leg was full of high spirits and bonhomie.
It was around about Ringmer when Peter B quipped:
"We're going to have to 'give it some' to get back to De Paulos by ten!"
Everyone thought this was amusing apart from Duncan who looked startled.
"Oh, where are we going this morning I thought this was going to be a normal Pre BBR?"
When we explained that we were headed for Brighton he did an about-turn after explaining that, ironically, he was going to Brighton anyway this weekend and that if he had known he could have arranged to have his stuff taken there by his girlfriend.
After a couple of wrong turns and p*** stops we were soon gathered at the lay-by before the turn off for Ditchling. Matt, who admitted he hadn't been 'getting the miles in' was struggling to keep up and when he joined us he informed us that he was going to turn round after the ascent of Ditching as he was worried abou
t tonight.
"Rachael's got certain expectations of me tonight, he explained, we've dumped the kids and we're planning a 'romantic' evening" - he accompanied this with a few nudge, nudge, wink, wink gestures.
I tried to encourage him by telling him that he would be full of regrets if he didn't complete the route.
"But If I go the 'whole way' I won't be going 'the whole way tonight' - I don't think I'll even be 'getting it up!'
Eventually he agreed after I assured him that after Ditchling it was downhill apart from Beachy. This was a blatant lie because I omitted to mention the other hills including Cuckmere Valley, but it worked and, with much reluctance, he agreed he would stay with us.
There is a delicious moment that comes in the midst of much suffering during a steep climb when you realise that, despite the pain, you are actually gaining ground on the person in front. This happened to me during the ascent when I could see that I was gaining on Peter B. I thought to myself:
"I can overtake the ol' git through my steady rhythmic pedaling and stealth"
Unfortunately just short of the summit he must have either got a whiff of my John Paul Gaultier cologne, or, more likely, heard my grunting and snorting as I approached him. He took the merest of glances over his shoulder, dug deep and put a little spurt on to block my advances. I consoled myself with the knowledge and thought that 'truly confident men have nothing to prove' - so stick that in your pipe and smoke it Mr Psychologist!.
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| Pete Claimed It Was All Downhill From Here! |
The first to arrive at the summit was Neil, followed by Patrick and George (not sure who was second), then Peter B, then me, followed shortly afterward by Adam and then Matt - who although he only looked half alive I could tell by his face that he thought he had made the right decision. Whilst recovering I took the obligatory group photo with the Ditchling Beacon sign in the background, and also a photo of the tatoo on George's calf. I had mistakenly thought the term 'iron man' referred to someone who takes part in a super triathlons; in fact George explained to me that it means you have testicles that are certified to weigh at least a pound - I was very impressed with this fact because mine don't weigh anything like that, probably just a few ounces.
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| Matt Considering His Forthcoming Night Of Passion... |
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| ...Whereas Neil Is More Interested In Eggs And Bacon! |
It is traditional that when passing through Seaford we stop at the supermarket to stock up on drinks, and Peter B reminded us of this - nobody required anything but I did, very thoughtfully, ask Matt if he 'needed' anything for tonight - without being too specific; he declined.
We became quite spread out once we started ascending again, and had to re-group several times. Generally, we had a pattern of Patrick, Neil and Peter B and George up front, closely followed by Adam, closely followed by me, with Matt gallantly bringing up the rear.
The final ascent is Beachy, via The Seven Sisters, which I always find particularly tough, because it seems like one is never climbing anything more than a slight gradient, but it is very illusory and seems to sap energy. We weren't alone today because the Beachy Head Marathon was in full flow with a quite a good turnout of spectators - nobody was interested in our efforts, but I would have loved to have heard the odd 'well done lads!' aimed in our direction. I did have another one of those nice moments that I mentioned earlier, when you are suddenly aware of gaining on someone despite your own personal suffering. In this case it was Adam I caught up with and slid past, just short of the agreed assembly point by the 'bogs', I had no choice but to 'rub salt in his wounds by adding a totally unnecessary 'Come on Adam!' as I went past - I think he was in meltdown - still never mind, it felt good anyway! (sorry Adam.)
The descent of Beachy is always exhilarating, but was totally spoiled on this occasion by the 'Road Closed' sign near Beades School - we ignored the sign (after nearly crashing into it) and threaded our way past the runners and spectators who were gathered at the finish line and made our way back through Eastbourne. Along the way Matt mentioned that he was going to The Lamb at Wartling as a prelude to his 'special evening' where co-incidentally Vicki and I also had a table booked. Matt did request that as he was planning on having a 'romantic evening' it would be best if we didn't combine forces, but just have a quick chat - I, of course, was happy to oblige. I have to say that the The Lamb is a first class pub/restaurant and I can highly recommend it; not cheap but great food, beer, atmosphere and service.
Congregating for the final time at Pevensey Bay (before I collected my usual cakes from the bakery) we all agreed it had been a magical trip at a special time of year. For those starting from Hastings it is almost a century ride, and in fact Neil, starting from Bexhill ,did complete a century (he's still a tw*t though.)
Look forward to the next one.
Peter Buss
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