"My heart 'skipped' a beat when I first set eyes on you"
Last Saturday 18:11
(direct text transcript)
Neil "Hi Chum, how was the BBR?"
Neil "So anyway, we went to Eastbourne. Had a nice time and then it happened"
Neil "I'm not even sure how, but one minute we are looking at home furnishings, and the next....."
Neil "It sparkles, does yours?"
Me: "Sorry (for delay in responding) , been busy, down the pub now waiting for take away (using the vouchers sent by Xi Jinping as an apology for bike light.) BBR was totally awful. What have you bought?"
Neil: "We were just passing by a skip and I spotted her and just knew I had to have her"
Me: "Great, what did you get?"
Neil: "It's a Raleigh Riva Ladies Sportive Special"
Me: "So what, you just helped yourself then?"
Neil: "Of course not - I'm not a skip bandit - I put £5 through the letter box. I've sent you a picture"
The attachment came through.
"Oh, thank you God!"
Earlier that day....
Pre BBR and Solo BBR
I met up with Adam at 07:45 as usual and we had a very sociable run up to Beachy and then back to De Paulos. We were just in the process of congratulating ourselves on the fact that the rain had held off when we were suddenly overtaken by a road cyclist wearing jeans, trainers and a large rucksack just as we were 'speeding' along Walls End Road. This caused us much embarrassment and took us some time to come to terms with:
"He was wearing jeans, for God's sake!", I protested
"Yes, I know, mind you he probably hasn't just been up Beachy!", said Adam in an effort to console me.
"Yes, quite right!"
Back at DPs I was amazed to see that the only person who had showed up was Mal C and he was in 'civvies'. As pleased as I was to see him I was disappointed that I faced the prospect of a solo BBR (which has not happened to me since the early days of joining the club.) We had coffee and and chat and I decided I might as well go home as it had started to rain quite heavily.
As I approached Normans Bay I started to feel 'up' and thought I may as well just do it on my own - the worst decision since 'The Charge of The Light Brigade."
All was bearable until the road through Herstmonceaux, where because of the volume of rain the gulleys at the side of the road were full which meant I had to cycle a few feet away from kerb. This caused much anger among motorists; additionally the spray from the cars was intense, making me feel very shaky and vulnerable. At the post office I 'admitted defeat', dismounted and cowered in a bus shelter. Unfortunately the rain showed no sign of slowing down so I had no choice but to press on. The left turn after the Garden Center gave me some relief as at least I was off the main 'drag' - however, this was to be short lived - I was about to enter the 'Gates of Hell'
At the junction by Flowers Green there was a sign saying 'Road Closed' - which obviously I ignored. It was there for a reason. About two hundred meters later I met two giant tarmac stripping diggers in full flow. I offered a smile and a 'thumbs up' which seemed to work. The first digger let me pass and 'tooted' his mate to do the same. I'm not sure if I imaged it or if they were smirking - either way they must have thought: "What a t*sser". Straight away I met with the 'fruits' of their labour in the shape of two miles of unmade road covered in clinker!.
Oh, the pain!. It was unbearable, I thought if I don't get a puncture on my wafer thin Schwalbe 'Ones' it will be a miracle. On top of this the rain was now sheeting down, unrelenting and accompanied by a chilled wind. I, of course, was hopelessly under-dressed: thin club top and thin pack-able jacket . Eventually I made it back on to the untouched original surface - Oh, the relief!.
Arriving at Chilley Farm I could barely speak, I was so cold and almost delirious.
"Americ c c c c ano, p p p lease and a b b b bacon bap"
The nice lady who normally serves us seemed very concerned:
"Why don't you go and sit round the fire?"
Just for a moment I thought she must be taking the p*ss, but, no, it is true there is now a wood burning stove.
Upon seeing it I almost mounted it like a randy toad. Two kindly ladies saw my situation and seemed in awe of my stupidity.
"Have you done many miles today?"
"Oh, about 50", I replied, sheepishly.
"What in this weather?, don't you normally cycle with others then?"
"Yes, but they've all got brains."
With my blood now circulating but with a singed knob, I looked out enthusiastically at the 'stair rods' of rain. I decided that I might as well grab the brownie points on offer and go and get Vicki's doughnut. I sloshed into the Pevensey Bakers.
"Usual is it - two lemon doughnuts?", said the nice young girl.
"Yes, please". It was all I could manage; I was still a bit delirious.
Arriving home, I walked into the hallway on stumps, as I couldn't feel my feet, stripped off all my soggy gear and headed for the shower. I turned on the shower with stumps (as I couldn't feel my hands either), leaned my hands against the tiles and turned my face upwards into the torrent of hot water.
 |
| Neil's new dream machine! |
"Nice ride was it sweetie?", said Vicki as she saw me leaving the shower room.
"Yes, not bad at all, thank you"
Wednesday Chain Gang
 |
| ....it even has a dynamo! |
I was quite surprised by the turnout tonight, bearing in mind the awful conditions.
Neil was there, of course, showing off his new Raleigh, and it was really quite heartwarming that nobody took the p@ss; and people were even polite enough to ignore 'the elephant in the room' that it was a girl's bike.
I was very pleased to see Steve 'Gadget' F, who was complaining about his bad back, brought on he thinks, through playing 'bubble football'. Has the world gone mad? it used to be just 11 a side or 5 a side football, now we have 'walking football' (for old people) and 'bubble football' (for psychos - according to Steve.) Anyway, we agreed that we would stick together and make the best of the evil headwind. We were going quite well until we had to stop at the De La Warr roundabout to wait for a car, which didn't bother indicating, while everyone else slipped through. It was downhill all the way after that we had not a hope of hanging on to the coat tails of the rest of the group. In a funny kind of way this was quite liberating as the pressure was now off. We toughed it out, taking turns on the front and grunting and cursing all the way to the roundabout. the cruelest 'cut' of the Chang Gang is that those that need the least rest get the most and vice versa.
"Are we all here now?", asked Simon
"No, a couple more to come yet?", I said.
This was an outrageous lie, but it bought us a little more time.
The return leg was delightful requiring very little peddling to well exceed 20 MPH. Steve let me do all the 'work', but this really wasn't much at all so I didn't mind.
The ride back to Normans Bay was just me and 'grumpy b*ll*cks' aka Neil. It's got to the point where I'm afraid to say anything because it's like riding with a bad tempered wasp.
Despite this Neil and I always enjoy our game of 'who can be the most insulting'.
"Turd", said Neil
"Peanut in a turd", I replied (a particular favourite exchange of ours.)
Back at the border crossing.
"I'm leaving for France on Wednesday, I'm going for seven weeks, with a ten day U.K break in the middle", I said
"We would all of forgotten all about you by then", he said without compassion.
"Oh, well, who gives a sh*t", I said pretending I wasn't hurt.
With friends like that who needs enemies.
Only joking Neil - 'man hugs'- what is a cycle ride without a bit of banter.
Peter Buss
P.S Next Part Deux will be from France.
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