10:27 P.M - Normans Bay
"Are you coming to bed now, darling?", asked a tired Vicki
"Won't be long bunny, I'll just finish this email", I replied
"Who on earth are you emailing at this time of night?"
"Xi Jinping",
"Who?",
"Xi Jinping; he's president of The People's Republic of China"
Vicki, now too tired to react.
"Well do hurry up your cocoas getting cold"
"No, don't worry, I shan't be long"
I surveyed my handiwork:
Dear Sir/President Jinping,
(not a bad start I thought, very respectful)
It is with much interest that I have been following, on the news, your recent state visit to the U.K. where you hope to forge closer trade links with both countries.
My purpose for writing to you is to enquire if you would also be interested in improving trade with my country: The People's RepubIic of Normans Bay (PRNB.) Although you are a country of 1.357 billion people and we are merely 70 residents, I do feel we have much to offer - Normans Bay is very rich in mineral deposits!. However, before we can even consider trade links I do feel you need to resolve your quality control issue. Take for example, my Cree 5000 lm, front cycle lamp which I purchased from a well know auction site. I chose this item in preference to German or Swedish offerings because I had every confidence in the quality of the Chinese products and the fact that it was only a quarter of the price had no bearing on my decision. I am quite disappointed, then that this item, which cost me in excess of £12, has only lasted two years. I admit that I have used it in all weathers for commuting as well as recreational cycling, but do not feel it has the longevity I would of expected.
I wish to add that I am very much a fan of things Chinesy; in fact I would say that prawn balls with special fried rice and egg foo yung is one of my all time favourite dishes.
With much respect
Mr Peter Buss
People's Republic of Normans Bay
Not bad at all - I shall 'fire it off' in the morning. Bay
06:45 P.M - Normans
As I was leaving for the Chain Gang my front light went off!.
"Oh, b@ll@cks!""
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| Good Turn Out Despite The Wind! |
I tried thwacking it with my gloves - Gestapo style, but not a flicker from the b*stard (the three green lights were still illuminated so I knew it wasn't the battery pack).
"Oh, scrotums!"
'Click', 'Clack', I made my way up the garden path and back to the house. 'Clip', 'Clop' I went over the walnut flooring in the hallway - luckily Vicki was engrossed on the computer (probably doing cushion research for our new french pad) otherwise I would have definitely got 'one in the ear' for wearing cleats indoors but she seemed unaware as I reached into the desk drawer and got my newly acquired 'Moon' ebay specials. I switched them on, attached them to the bars and set off for Bexhill. It was only when I reached the darkness of Sluice Lane that I became aware that the output was woefully inadequate. I went to adjust them from level one to three when I realised I had them on upside down, I tried to press the button but with gloved hands I would have had more chance of rolling a 'fag'. Stubbornly I pressed on, blind as a bat but without the sonar guidance. I was also frightened to put them on full beam as I was concerned that I would use up all the 'juice' and be totally without lights before the end of the evening. I nearly ended up in a heap when I took the wrong turn just past the Star; although there appears to be only one choice , the other option is into the short drive of the mobile home that sits on the corner (look out for it next time you are passing), I wavered put stayed upright. The relief of reaching the lamp lights of Cooden drive was so great that although I am not a religious man I found myself doing the classic cross of the hand associated with the Catholic Church: spectacles - testicles - wallet - watch.
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| Rare Appearance From Steve B On His Fixie |
As Neil has pointed out in his blog, there was a great turnout despite the nasty windy conditions. By the time I reached the short incline of South Cliff I was at the back apart from Steve C and Steve D. The latter Steve whizzed past me with a cheery:
"What, you cream crackered?"
"No, I'm just ****ed", I replied
Although I would never describe myself as a great cyclist, I do have my moments; but not tonight I was struggling.
Part way along Herbrand, just as I was about to curse 'these p*xy lights', Steve went past and said:
"You can see what what you're doing now!"
Oh, the relief!.
"I can't go on the front, Steve, I can't see jack sh*t"
"Oh, don't worry, we can just use my light"
This reminded me of the line in the 'Two Little Boys' Song' - by the man we no longer talk about:
"There's room on my horse for two"
So feeling no pain I sat on Steve's wheel all the way to the roundabout.
On the way back I again found myself relying on Steve's light. Quite frankly I 'sucked him dry' (I think I may have found a better expression than that) all way to the lights of Cooden Drive, when I spotted Steve D just ahead of us.
"Thanks for the tow Steve, but let's get Denny!"
Quite understandably Steve, who had done all the work thus far, wasn't able to follow, whereas I was now feeling quite rested. Around about the second 'lump' I passed him with a equally cheery:
"Need a push Steve?"
Was this childish?, yes!
Was it unnecessary?, yes!
Did it feel good, Oh, yes!
"I've already done this route once today", he said.
"So have I, I go this way to work", I replied; not be outdone.
To be fair he had a big ride earlier including Beachy and was now chilling (I did check his Strava entry and can confirm that he had made a big effort earlier in day whereas I had only done a flat 14 mile commute.)
'Lets just share the final stretch then?", I offered.
"Certainly, it's not a race after all",
I then made sure I arrived back at the lights just ahead of him!
Steve C arrived shortly afterwards;
"Did you catch him then?"
"Oh, yes" and I felt my chest swell by just a small amount.
As I said last week, there is much drama to be had at the back of the Chain Gang.
Peter Buss
P.S
The 5000 LM Cree lights mentioned earlier are amazing value at £16 and I ordered another one immediately, also, as Neil pointed out, the £7 Moon copies are bright enough to light the road if you put them on the highest setting - again, great value and probably the same as the real Moon lights at a quarter of the price.
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