Part Deux - Wednesday Chain Gang"

"Not a bad drop of red that!"

"Oh, do cheer up you miserable ****!"

I aimed this at Neil who had been rather tetchy all evening.  I had begun to suspect 'she' was in one of 'her' moods when 'she' got really irritated with me when I made a simple request at the traffic lights in Bexhill, before setting off for Normans Bay, to:

"Give me a couple of secs".

This seemed to really irritate him - it probably didn't help that I said it twice as I thought he hadn't heard me."Yes, ALL RIGHT!", was his grumpy response. I had also noted that I hadn't received one of his usual confirmation of CG attendance texts that always start with a cheery: "Morning chummy.."

Tom, Neil, 'Gadget' And Malc A Few Days Earlier!

As well as myself and Neil, Steve F ('Gadget') and Tom were also gathered at the Normans Bay border crossing. While discussing the CG, and other less important topics, I took a glance at the bar tape on Tom's bike which was hanging down like a leper's foreskin.

"Have you thought about re-taping that Tom?"

"Nah, can't be a*sed", he replied, and then added:

"Can you send me that photo you took of our wall?"

Does Simon Approve Of 'The Bianci Bombers' Wall Building?

He was referring to the impressive structure we had built between us on our Tuesday night bricklaying course. Out of complete self-indulgence, and because I don't have any photos from the CG I have included a picture, I have cropped my end of the wall so as not to embarrass Tom , because, unlike his, it is straight.  We're very excited abut our newly acquired skill of laying BOEs (that's brick on edge to you 'know nothings') and 'soldiers' (there's really no need to comment Simon G)


07:12 P.M - A few days ago - Normans Bay

'Pop....glug....,glug....glug'

"I've been thinking, sweetie, for Christmas would you like me to buy you a new helmet and shoes to go with the new bike you're going to buy in France?", asked Vicki

I examined the delicious looking red liquid in the glass, held it up to the light and took a small sip.

"Ahhhh"

"Are you listening?"

"Oh, sorry bunny - yes that would be great", I replied.

I'm going to enjoy this I thought.

"What would be a reasonable amount to spend?"

I sucked the air in through my teeth and shook my head.

"Well even going mid-range we'd be looking at £250 for the shoes and another £200 for the helmet."

"O.k, no problem so if I give you £200 that should cover it then?."

"Absolutely, thank you, very kind of you, I'll start researching"

07:21 P.M Wednesday evening - The Shelter, Bexhill Seafront.

On the way to the Chain Gang I had decided I would undertake some helmet research.

There was a modest turnout of 10 people.  I spotted Nigel and sauntered over.

"Do you mind me asking about your helmet, are you happy with it - does it perform well?", I inquired.

"Not really, it attracts flies and it's got too many holes in it", he replied.

He then made a 'buzzing' sound and poked his fingers into the holes.

"See?"

It was then that the proverbial 'penny dropped'!.  I could see upon closer examination that he had made the helmet himself from a colander more normally associated with straining cabbage!.  He had cleverly machined the holes bigger and attached a chin strap made from old boot laces.  It was starting to make sense. I had noticed recently that Nigel has taken to wearing more upmarket designer brands and had discarded his more normal Aldi 'gear' I guess that in order to recuperate costs he had decided to save money on the helmet.  I suppose there is a price to pay for a more comfortable gusset.

I then asked Stewart B if he was happy with his helmet.  He has a lovely red 'Kask'.

"It's'alright." was all I got; never a man to waste words.

It was time for the 'off'.  We had decided to go as one group bearing in mind the small numbers, but quickly became stretched out.  By South Cliff I was in a select group of me, Steve F and a newbie called Paul.  Steve and I were taking turns on the front, but Paul who was new to this was 'sussing' things out.

By the time we reached Herbrand I saw a figure in front and I pulled our group close enough to see it was Tom. Through his body language he invited us to 'jump on', but then shot off too fast for us to keep up!.  The three of us continued alone until shortly after 'Spooky' when I was suddenly overtaken by another cyclist - it was John V.  Quelle surprise! (this accounted for the whiff of flux that I had thought, originally, was imagined.)  We then formed a decent chain all the way to the roundabout.  I thanked him for the help and he thanked us for the tow up 'Spooky'.  Paul apologised for not taking a turn on the front, but we quickly reassured him that as it was his first outing we wouldn't of expected him to - mind you he then explained that he had just got back from cycling in Tenerife! - "Well, **** me", I thought - if you can cycle up Mount Teide you can manage a pootle along the seafront! - he seems like a nice chap anyway and I quite liked him; I hope he comes again next week.

After a too brief recovery we set off for the return.  I must admit I really enjoyed the homeward leg - it felt unpressurised and at the same time was quite pacy - it was also accompanied with an almost balmy breeze.
It was good that towards the end Paul joined in the rotations, but nearing the end of Cooden Drive he 'Carpe diemed' and in an moment of audacity he went for it and tried to get to the lights first - 'over my dead body' sunshine!.  My sinewy old legs span into action, I flicked the turbo switch and arrived first! That felt good - even at the back of the Chain Gang real drama is unfolding.

Peter Buss