'Harrumph, murhh, murhh'
'You've started already, haven't you? , you've been back five minutes and you've started already!'
'Started what?'
'Moaning!'
'Well it's hardly my fault is it? - blame Maurice Wilks!'
'Who?'
'Maurice Wilks - he designed the Land Rover which then evolved into the Range Rover. You know the driver is legally allowed to kill cyclists once he obtains his 'licence to kill' badge?'
'What are you on about?'
'The 'licence to kill' badges, which the DVLC euphemistically call personalised number plates - it's a lethal combination. Mind you, my brother (who lives in Windlsham, Surrey) says it's much worse there - he said his local Waitrose is 'rammed' with them'.
I've just arrived home after a very pleasant ride over Beachy Head with Neil followed by a walk along the beach with Poppy, and I'm having a nice cup of Tetley with Vicki.
There's a big hole appeared in the 'chicane' (the part of Coast Road that narrows down - with passing places- just after the crossing in the direction of Pevensey) and I've just had two drivers careering towards me before turning sharply right just in time - this is to save them waiting 2 milliseconds to let me go past when it's their side of the road that's blocked (to be fair, only one was a RR.)
When coming back to the UK you realise what a congested little island we are (not just returning from abroad; Neil said as much on returning from Somerset.)
'Did I moan much in France?' , I asked Vicki.
'Not at all', she assured me.
Q.E.D, then, I only moan in England and it's mostly about cars and impatient drivers - oh, and Michael Buble (the man who takes 'smarmy' to new heights.)
In France you don't really see any RRs; apart from the one blocking the narrow medieval road where the bank in Clairac sits. The driver pulled up, got out his wallet to use the cash machine and when the poor lady sat behind him indicated she would like to get past, he pointed to the half a meter wide gap he had left as if to say 'What is wrong with you, cant you see I'm busy and much more important than you?'
The above is very much the exception in France, but it's not necessarily that all French drivers are more courteous it's just that there is much more room on the road for bikes and cars. In fact I got knocked off my bike by a tractor. He followed me for some time and then tried to ease past me even though the trailer he was towing was wider than the road. The trailer had a giant reel of cable on it, which sat on a base with really wide wheels, and as he went past the wheel that was hanging in mid-air steered me into the ditch. He did at least stop and look through his little rear window:'Your load is too wide!', I said
But he seemed to take it as a compliment and smiled. I must look up the French word for ***ker.
Saturday 3rd Sept, 07:44 - Normans Bay Crossing
First group ride with the club since coming back after 8 weeks in France and I'm really looking forward to it. I wasn't sure if anyone would be there, so it was relief to see Gary and Mal D waiting.
Shortly afterwards we were joined by Andy Ashby.
'Mind if I tag along?', he politely asked .
Just short of the start of the Beachy climb, Andy said:
'I can see a Hastings shirt up ahead'
I was really impressed with this because I could just about make out a shadowy figure which could have been a cyclist, but 'not in a million years' would I have worked out what he was wearing. It transpired that he was right and it was Andy C.Shortly after this a dog ran out in front of us, bearing in mind it nearly caused a 'pile up' I thought an apology from the owner might have been appropriate - still never mind.
It was as I watched Gary and Mal ease ahead that I realised that the high altitude training in SW France hadn't really paid off. Andy A also kept a discreet distance ahead of me, but Andy C who was thinking about breakfast, and was just 'chilling' kept a discreet distance behind me.
Assembled at the top I got Andy A to take some pics - he wasn't allowed to be in them because he was the only one not wearing kit.
'I'm going off ahead of you lot because I want my breakfast', said Andy C, 'but feel free to go past me'
He set off at a pace and we followed on shortly afterwards.
I gave it some 'welly' on the descent and led the others down the 'zig zags', but it wasn't until we were back on the seafront did we catch up with Andy C who by this time had a tummy that was rumbling audibly. On the way down to the pier I saw a young lady in front and saw it as a challenge to try and go past her. Eventually I did get past but only after exerting maximum effort - it's a male pride thing - pathetic, I know. About five minutes later she passed us on the east side of the pier.
Once at the Pevensey lights Mal announced he was going via Normans Bay to save his legs for the BBR and took Andy C with him.
For most of the rest of the ride back I gallantly allowed Andy A and Gary to 'shoulder' the responsibility of being on the front - there is an unwritten rule on the Pre BBR that says: 'he who is not doing the BBR must take the lead all the way back to Di Paulos'.
It had been a rapid pace again - about 19mph - and once back at the aforementioned cafe I could see a few had got there early.
I spotted the older of the 'fun chums' on his own:
'What is it this time I pondered? - another trial seperation, irreconcilable differences, a 'tiff'.
'Where's Pat today?' I asked.
'Oh, he's doing his own thing', he replied
I stood in the queue behind Andy C.
'I'll have scrambled eggs and a sausage' he said ' No, I'll tell you what - make that two sausages'
Outside our group was growing rapidly; two newbies were in attendance: Corelia - who does short triathlons - and Paul who completed the Ride London recently. The Colonel, as usual was not giving his scrambled eggs the attention they deserved and was focusing on more erudite things that eating.
'We're doing the usual BBR route but via Catsfield, some will go via Tilley lane and some will take the more direct route over the marshes' he informed me.
'It's called the 'BBR Nouveau Classico' said Peter B
'I hope my breakfast turns up soon, otherwise I won't have time to eat it' said a concerned Andy C.
He needn't have worried as it arrived in plenty of time.
It was really good to see Stuart 'Lord B' Buckland, who explained that he hadn't been cycling lately due to gout brought on by drinking too much port and eating game that hadn't been 'hung' for long enough. In fact it was good to see Mal C, Matt S and Stuart all on the same ride (albeit the BBR) as the four of us were the 'founding fathers' of the Pre BBR.
As is traditional, there is much re-grouping on a BBR, and whilst waiting at a crossroads in Catsfield wth Peter B we encountered a women sitting on her horse.'There's quite a few more more of us' said Pete, 'but don't worry we'll be quiet.'
'Yes, well, that's the problem though, isn't it?, the horses don't hear you coming!, she said abruptly.
'O.K, we'll make a lot of noise, then!'
Sensing Pete was getting a bit agitated, I made a suggestion:
'How about we just make conversation at a medium level as we approach?'
We pushed on as a group until the regular stop at the garage on the top of Boreham Hill, where I took some snaps (please note Pete B looking like Prisclla 'Queen of the Desert')
A few including, Mal C went via Tilley Lane, but I went with the majority of the group on the shorter route.
About half a mile from the left turn at the garden center Peter appeared to be outraged that a girl had overtaken him - as he wasn't on the Pre BRR he wasn't aware of the fact that this was the same girl who I had first passed on the way down from 'Beachy'. He immediately gave chase and caught her just before the turn off. I mean how pathetic was that? - allowing male pride to get the better of him - but having said that this was a clear case of female pride on display, as well.
Over the marshes Pete and I led the group back to Chilley Farm - and I must admit feeling a sense of pride arriving back first - perhaps the altitude training was working after all! (or maybe the others weren't really trying as hard).
We were all surprised to see Nigel waiting at a table in the shade.
'Why didn't you join us on the ride?' I asked
'Well, to be honest all my decent gear is in the wash and I was forced to wear these old Aldi 'Nut Crushers' - he tugged at the gusset to emphasis the discomfort - they're OK for short rides but I couldn't risk doing the whole of the BBR.'
After a good ol' bit of 'banter' and some decent grub, I made my way back to the roundabout with some of the others. The Colonel pulled alongside:
'It's been a great social occasion today, I've really enjoyed it', he said 'although I did have problems with a double puncture and a faulty valve'
Back home I basked in the warm 'glow' that follows a good ride and felt pleased to be back in Normans Bay - I love France but I love it here as well - a great dilemma to have, I must admit.
Peter Buss
No comments:
Post a Comment