9/4 HSLCC Chaingang- Mountain Bike Humiliation

Good, if not quite perfect, conditions prevailed for the chain gang - warm enough, a bit of south westerly wind and dry roads. 19 riders started out at a steady pace, and headed west towards a smudged orange sunset over the Downs. We numbered 22 by the turn at Pevensey as late arrivals joined in. There was the usual diverse collection of steel, aluminium and carbon bikes of varying vintages, with some pessimistic souls still sporting mudguards.

Newbie Carl On His First Ever Chaingang!

There was also a madman on a 29er mountain bike with 2.3 inch knobbly tyres and front suspension. Surely this substantial machine should be powered by a 400cc two-stroke engine, and not two legs? Good, I thought, I won't be slowest tonight. But I know that when I make an assumption, life loves to prove me wrong. I'd better make sure I'm faster than him, I thought; shouldn't be hard. Ha!

Strangely, I led the group away from the shelter, at a steadily increasing pace, until I was overtaken at the end of Western Parade. I tried to overtake the excellent but poorly Stuart Hodd, but couldn't. And then as we climbed up South Cliff, I was overtaken by more riders, including the gentleman on the mountain bike... This cannot be happening, I thought, but it surely was. I laughed inwardly at my arrogance and then swore revenge. I swore again as I failed to catch him or the faster group.

I did manage to hang on to the on tail of the group, gasping heavily perhaps 20 metres away from the nearest rider, but the gap stretched to 50m by end of Cooden Drive. No-one else was close to help me reel them in, but then at the turn for Herbrand Walk Tom appeared, running late because of a puncture. We paired up and rotated the lead in steady pursuit. We gained a little ground and then level crossing closed. This was our chance! But alas, they pulled away again, that mountain bike firmly in their midst. We continued rotating the lead all across the marsh, to the turn, where we found the club members and another group, also on mountain bikes. Was I missing something?

The return leg soon rattled off, led by Steve Curtis, with what wind there was at our right shoulders. The fast boys swept by, with 'Mountain Man' powering through the tarmac rather than over it. At Spooky Hill, I caught him as he fell behind the lead group. I approached with caution - was he hungry? Either way, I was sure I'd get past him and away, but I was tricked! He was waiting for some hapless fool to break the wind for him and now I was trapped.

Richard On Only His second Chaingang!

I pressed forward, trying to use the incline as a slingshot along the straight stretch to the Star Inn. I accelerated - did I have him beaten? A low rumbling noise grew, like the sound of land rover tyres on a concrete motorway. The noise thrummed in my ears as he drew closer. Would I be mashed beneath his wheels? Would he even notice - what a beast! Legs like the stone pillars in the Temple of Dagon, pumping down like the pistons of a large steam engine. I could've sworn there was a blast of warm air and a whiff of diesel as he ripped by, stone chips flying off his tyres and sheep scattering in the fields.

Rare Appearance from Konrad!

I tucked in behind as we sped towards the level crossing and we settled into rotating the lead along Herbrand Walk, with the half-moon hanging high in the south sky. Around Cooden Corner and pushing hard along the Drive, we carried on rotating until Cooden Bump, when the Mountain Man, joined from nowhere by Malcolm, pushed on hard and dropped me. A cloud of other riders hustled by, but I managed to overtake a few of these before reaching the lights.

After catching my breath, I saw 'Mountain Man' standing by his steed, surrounded by a haze of diesel and burning rubber. I had to congratulate him on his awesome ride. My nemesis is Paul Fuller - hear the name and tremble. Paul, you've inspired me. If you can ride that fast on a small tractor, I can do better on my racer. I'm just not working hard enough!

And so ended an enjoyable ride and an even faster one than last weeks. I averaged a good 32kph, including over the extra 10km I add to the end of the ride. This was a good speed for me. Next week I'll try to better it and try also to avoid mountain bike humiliation. The shame!

Neil Smith